The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Chirping

A couple of weeks ago, one of the batteries in our wireless alarm system chirped its death song in the early morning hours.  Don’t they always. . . ?  

Dearly Beloved yanked the battery from the offending device and went back to bed.  The next morning  he began opening drawers for batteries in a size I knew we didn’t have,  I reminded him that we have a service contract, which includes changing batteries.   He consented to call them, but added, “Okay, but I’m having them do that one only.”

So, Venus asked Mars what the heck was the reasoning behind that crazy statement.  He said, “Because I don’t want them roaming around my house.”

Sometimes it’s like living with Earl in the Pickles comic strip.  Just call me Opal.

When the repairman did come, DB met him at the door and ushered him to the chirping station.  The guy changed the battery and said, “Now, there are some more that I should go ahead and replace while I’m here.”  

“No, that’s the only one,” DB informed him.

The repairman held out a piece of equipment he was carrying and said, “This sensor says there is another weak one here in the hall. . . .”

Once again, DB jumped in with, “No, THIS is the only one in the hall.”

I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I hollered from the sunroom, “There’s one at the far end of the hall.” 

DB shook his head.  “That’s just a motion detector.”  

The service guy shrugged, “Well, it has a battery that needs replacing.”

DB turned to me and asked, “Where is it back there, anyhow?”

I explained that it was at the top of the built-in bookcase, behind the gnomes.

That, of course, gave Himself a chance to interject a smart crack about the gnomes, which he knows darned well I didn’t buy. They were part of a collection that my mother assembled over the years.  She liked them, large and small, and kept them displayed on a long table in her living room.  After she tired of dusting them over the years, she simply covered the entire table with a sheet.  It looked like a gnome morgue.

My gnome inheritance is high on a bookshelf so that I can’t see the dust.

I’ve digressed here.  Back to the repairman, who’d replaced the second battery and headed for the main panel to see what else might need his attention.  The monitor indicated the playroom battery.  Of course, DB was there at once to “enlighten” him that it was a mistake–that wasn’t labeled properly.  I yelled out, “The playroom is down the basement stairs.”

That battery now replaced, the service rep came back into the sunroom to ask me about the location of others.  DB  hurried in to tell the guy that he surely didn’t want to ask me because I’d be sending him all over the place, up the chimney, under the house, etc.  He was saying all of this with a big smile and laughter in his voice.  Nevertheless. . . .

I shook my head and told the repairman not to feel bad, that DB followed the cable people. the HVAC guy, and any other service personnel around so that he could tell them how to do their jobs, too.

The man looked at DB and said, “Oh, I remembered you as soon as I drove up. The last time I came to this house, I was sitting out in my truck getting my work order ready when you came to the front door and yelled, ‘What are you doing out there?  You can’t get anything fixed sitting in your truck!'”

He smiled at DB and said, “I got out of my truck thinking to myself, ‘What have I got here?  Is this guy for real?  I was pretty cautious even coming in until I saw you grinning.”  

They began talking about sports and DB, mouth still running, followed the guy out to his truck now that all weak batteries had been replaced.

Over the weekend he was complaining about his aging cellphone and how he needed a new one.

“You were just in the mall, buying Good Egg Son a birthday present.  Why in the world didn’t you go in the Apple Store and pick one up while you were there?”

He shuddered.  “Because it’s a mall.”

Sheesh!  I surrender.

What is it we need here?  A butler?

Does Apple make house calls?


16 thoughts on “The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Chirping

  1. Sounds a bit like my spouse. He’d make three trips to town a day, each time picking up something – and he knew all along that he needed all three things…

  2. Arkansas Patti

    My smoke alarms wait till the dead of night to signal all is not well in the battery department. Interesting how DB doesn’t want the repair man to repair. Good thing he has you or that guy would have to make many a trip. Could that be his goal?

    1. I think the reason we have service contracts is that he doesn’t have to pay by the hour that way. I’m expecting some of these guys to invite us to their kids’ wedding, they’ve spent so much time here.

  3. Gnomes are a huge part of Waldorf education. We have a few :-D. Would you like a knitted one? And what color? Next. Where do you go to sign-up for people to change your batteries? And do they do light bulbs? Rascal hates the chirping from a fire alarm and can sense when it is about to go—I am sure she hears something before even my eagle eared teen does—she then sits under it looking stern. She’d make a fine fire safety pup. Sounds like the fixer person will be dropping by to check on the batteries just to visit with DB. Men, as my sweet mother always says, we should always be patient with them because they just aren’t that bright. (we keep that one between just us women)
    As always your tales amuse. Pats for the wonder dog.

    1. I can picture it now. . . Smokey the Bear and RASCAL in TV commercials. Smokey would say, “Only you can prevent forest fires” while Rascal pipes up with, “You’ll prevent house fires if you change those irritating smoke detector batteries before your dog’s ears hurt.”

      Your mother’s wisdom should be right up there with Ben Franklin’s. 🙂

  4. ncmountainwoman

    It’s just the opposite at our house. My DB has a schedule for changing every single one of the smoke detectors. The only time we had an alarm was when a spider crawled into one of them. Now we blow them out regularly with compressed air in between changing the batteries. And yes, we have to change the air filters every three months as well. Heaven knows what we will do when he is too old to climb on the ladder.

    1. I remember your spider incident. That creature should be in a museum!

      Ladders are a sore point around here. I ran some errands earlier this week and while I was gone, my Dearly Beloved removed a very large dead limb that was hanging from our 75 year oak. I have not had the nerve to ask was a ladder or. . . gawd forbid. . . a chainsaw involved. I keep waiting for the neighbors to tattle.

  5. Mimi

    ncmountainwoman can I swap husbands with you every 3 months? We have an air filter under the house that needs to be changed quarterly. Neither my husband nor I will go “down there!” I’ve agreed to supply shower caps to keep spiders out of our hair and hold the lantern, but he still refuses to go “down there!” We have to call our heating and air people to come change the darn filter! I want to hear more about the gnomes. What do people do with hand-me-downs that you’d feel too guilty if you donated them or threw them out? I have my mother-in-law’s doll collection and Hummels. They don’t even get a place on a shelf. All those dolls and figurines are in overcrowded tenements (plastic tubs) in the attic. I know the Hummels may be worth something, but I don’t have a clue about the dolls.

    1. I had to laugh at your question about hand-me-downs. While the little gnomes do, indeed, have a shelf, I have all the Little Women dolls stashed someplace around here–an inheritance from an aunt who had no children. And let’s not even speak of the cloisonné.

      You’re amazing. No way would I go down to hold the lantern, shower cap or not! Last week I was volunteering at our library branch and had to go into the outside storage area. As soon as I opened the gate, a squirrel did a sprang out of a garbage can and flew past me without ever hitting the ground. I cannot sue because I can’t be sure exactly how long my life was shortened. Call the HVAC people. You never know what might take a flying leap.

    2. ncmountainwoman

      You can borrow him anytime. But I don’t think he would be willing to change a filter in a spidery crawl space. Keep calling the heating and air folks.

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