The big hawk has been hanging around our back yard lately, looking for a pickup game…
… probably hoping to make a score: LUNCH!
What’s been most plentiful on the menu? Well, the tree rats are usually hanging around.
It isn’t that I’ve wished the damnsquirrels ill; I’ve wished them GONE. Dreamer that I am, my preference would be for our wonder dog, Scout, to herd and load them into a Chip N Dale Van Lines truck headed for . . . oh, maybe the redwood forests of California. We have a history and it isn’t good. Ever since the little hoodlums broke into our attic and ate the noses off my Christmas Caroler figures, I’ve held a grudge. It hasn’t helped that they’ve considered our strawberry patch and tomato plants their personal buffet, or that they insist on hiding their nuts in my potted plants.
HOWEVER, I’m knocking on wood as I say this, but we haven’t seen much of the little bastards lately. . . not jogging along the utility lines or sashaying along the brick fence. There haven’t even been any noisy speed dating chases in the big oak tree.
They couldn’t possibly find a neighborhood with more nuts, so where are they? Did someone put out a hawk alert?
Whatever the reason, I don’t miss them. Absence is not making the heart grow fonder.
I point all this out because it’s time for me to be thinking about my Christmas List. My family has a history of zinger gift giving. After our oldest daughter made a fuss about a mouse in her kitchen one fall, she received no less than four mouse ornaments that Christmas. Dearly Beloved received two battery-powered nose hair clippers the Christmas I commented on his walrus imitation.
Thanks to a timely e-mail alert by my Master Gardening friend Dirt Woman, I am hereby announcing that the only thing on my list so far is something I DON’T want, even though it’s featured on a popular site.
Please, Family, take notice: Under no circumstances, would I ever wear this sweater.
Sometimes I dream that a big, giant squirrel is carrying me away. Does that make me a nut?
“Ant Prune was holding one of the squirrels in her hand. ‘And once a day, we have ta clean their little private parts with a Q-tip, so they’ll learn ta clean themselves.’
That was a visual I didn’t need”
― Margaret Stohl, Beautiful Creatures