Crazy Love (Another Damnsquirrel Chronicle)

There is always squirrel action in our back yard; they’re climbing up the bird feeder pole or running down the big oak.  They race along the fence with stolen apples or tomatoes in their mouths.  They leap blithely from one tree to another–six feet, eight feet or more–death-defying jumps without net, helmet, or vine.  The little bastards run along the utility wires at the back of the lot with an ease that would make The Flying Wallendas feel AWK-ward.  It’s a freakin’ circus out there.

The obnoxious critters taunt the dog and eat the bird seed as well as anything I try to grow.  They make big ugly nests in the trees, biting off small branches to use as building materials.

I’ve read that they live about six years–less in urban settings–but I’d swear that these are of the Methuselah genus.  In fact, not ever having found a dead one out there in damnsquirrel paradise, I might even think them immortal, had my blogging buddy Texas Trailer Park Trash not posted a photograph of a squirrel skull as proof of demise.  Of course, that IS Texas.  Perhaps there was a duel.

In the interest of fairness, I’ve tried to think of something good to say about them.  I’ll leave a bit of space, in case something comes to mind.

Nope.  Nothing.

This morning as I was outside watering my potted plants, incessant squirrel chatter was drowning out the birdsong.   All of a sudden, right in front of me, two squirrels came flying out of the tree, landing on the concrete driveway with an audible THUNK.  It had to have been a 20 feet drop but after a stunned moment, they disentangled, jumped to their feet, and dashed back up the oak tree.

Well now. . . .

They went up so fast I couldn’t tell whether or not their fat cheeks were red with embarrassment.  (Reminds me of the time Dearly Beloved and I were staying at the Watergate Hotel in Washington and had to call the front desk after the bed broke in the middle of the night.  We’d been asleep, but who’d ever believe it?!)  

Had to be a morning tree rat tryst!  Perhaps that explains all the gibberish.  The small leafy branch that fell with them was loaded with acorns.

Breakfast in bed, I suppose.

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10 thoughts on “Crazy Love (Another Damnsquirrel Chronicle)

  1. I love any and all DamnSquirrel stories. Your broken bed story reminds me of the time we were at a B&B in Napa–newly married. We decided to take a little “shower a deux” and…set off the smoke alarm. Hoo-boy.

  2. For me, the thing about squirrels is that no matter how angry I get at them, or how much the war between my husband and the squirrels escalates, they are still so cute. After a while, we give up and just watch the antics. It’s squirrel Olympics all the time.

  3. Janice Wagar

    The squirrels have been making off with my patio tomatoes as they ripen. I get such a bang out of watching them that I can’t help but love the little buggers.

  4. Arkansas Patti

    I’ll trade you my voles for your squirrels, even up. I really would like to watch those cute, intelligent little athletes but I have nary a one.
    One of the best things about your squirrels are the neat posts they give you.

  5. I have never seen a squirrel before. It must be so cool to have these critters near our area.

    There are endemic species of squirrels in the Philippines but they are not as common as other squirrels are in other countries. Some of them are even endangered. The most common “wildlife” I encounter near our home are sparrows and sunbirds. 🙂

  6. With Olive still confined to her leash in the backyard, the squirrels and rabbits don’t even budge when we go out. They won’t even do us the courtesy of pretending to be fearful of us. Poor Olive. I think they are teasing her on purpose. Boy are they going to be surprised when Olive is turned loose!

  7. NCMountainwoman

    I love your squirrel chronicles, especially since I hate the damned critters as much as you do. What kind of idiot would spend so much time making that video?

  8. I loved the Bad Manors video – haven’t seen any squirrels around my place in several weeks now, so I can only assume they’ve found some cuisine that is better than our birdseed. I’ve no doubt they’ll be back when all the gardens are finished for the year….*sigh*

  9. It may be my great age, but re You Tube, some people have waaaaay too much time on their hands.
    That being said, I do love your squirrel chronicles. Wonder why I’ve never had a problem with those critters? Perhaps the chameleons have spread the word: a killer lives here.

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