DB Goes to MD

So yesterday, my Dearly Beloved had an appointment for a physical with his new doctor.  DB liked the doctor he had in Wilmington, so he hasn’t had one here until now.  Since we sold that house, he needed to find one locally and decided to try mine.

He came out, ready to go,  all shaved and spiffy, wearing one of his best shirts,  and … JEANS!

“You’re not going to wear jeans to the doctor!” 

“I certainly am.  These bluejeans are comfortable, they’re clean, and besides, I’m going to take them off as soon as I get there anyway.”

The man didn’t wear jeans for years.  I don’t even think he wore them in high school.  He claims they were too tight on his thighs because of playing so much football.  Years later,  our daughters started giving him jeans for his birthday or special occasions in an attempt to make dad cooler.

They’re fine around the house.  They’re fine going to the hardware store or the soda shop. But when he’s going for an appointment, I wish he’d wear some of those pants taking up space his closet.   What’s he saving them for, anyhow?

An hour later, he called from the car to give me the doctor’s report.

“They wouldn’t examine me.”

“WHAT?  Why didn’t you have an examination?”

“The nurse said to tell you that it wasn’t because of the bluejeans.  It was because my underwear had a hole in it.”

He’s lying, of course.  The nurse DID say that, but only because he told her that I hadn’t wanted him to wear jeans.  (“Bluejeans,” as he insists on calling them.)  But he did keep his pants on.  It turns out this appointment was just to go over lab reports; his physical isn’t until October.

They got along quite well.  The nurse asked him the usual general health questions… did he smoke… when was the last time he was hospitalized, etc.

“I just answered all those questions on the forms they gave me to fill out in the waiting room,” he said.

“Oh, nobody reads that stuff,” she told him.  “I need to write it on your chart here.”

“Well, then why did I fill out all those forms?” 

“That’s to get your blood pressure up.”

I suppose the underwear comment was meant to raise mine.

–   –  –  –  –


My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Matthau


15 thoughts on “DB Goes to MD

  1. Now that’s my kind of medical office! One with a sense of humor, it seems.

    I can see that your mother must have instilled in you the same phobia about being caught in a medical situation with ratty-looking underwear. You could have been in a terrible accident but as long as your underwear was decent, you’re golden.

  2. I wish the Boss would go out in jeans….he goes everywhere in shorts even in the winter….and for years I thought his Harley Davidson tee was a body tattoo….dress pants what are those???…..and as for going to the doctor…I had to take him a few months back when we thought he had the whooping cough…the doctor came in the room and said “Oh he must really be sick if he actually came in”……..so be lucky DB went willingly…..

  3. Too funny. My dad handed my mom a pair of pants the other day for good will…the reason why? He did not want Cole to see him wearing them because they were a little ratty. Kid lives 1300 miles away. They see each other a lot—but still this makes no sense at all. None.My mother just took the pants. Blue jeans—it took a very long time. IBM lifer. Hey, pitch those undies with the holes! K? (DB amuses!)

    1. There ARE no undies with holes! HE may never have been warned of the ultimate humiliation: being in a traffic accident and having strangers see you in ragged underwear, but I’m vigilant for both of us. Now, jeans? THEY are ragged… although he didn’t wear that pair to the doc. I’m mending them tomorrow, lest the neighbors talk.

      Funny about your Dad’s pants. I’m glad Cole is a good influence on him. 🙂

  4. Hahahha! Great story. My Dad refused to wear jeans! I don’t think he owned a single pair in his whole life.

    DB is a funny guy. 🙂 Love these stories.

  5. Arkansas Patti

    Don’t know about his doctor but love that nurse. I’m kind of with DB. My doc usually only sees me buck naked covered by a paper dress anyway. Sometimes wonder why I bother wearing my very best undies.

  6. My husband is not a fan of jeans either but, had tried to be more stylish by wearing them (laugh). Funny, you should mention a scheduled physical. My husband had one today and he proclaimed it “Not a tie day”….

    Glad everything went well today. In October he can wear his jeans again.


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