Splendor in the Grass

Have you ever watched The Pioneer Woman on the Food Channel?

At the beginning of every show, Ree Drummond tells us, “Here’s what’s happening on the ranch today” and it always proves to be something that necessitates the preparation of several fabulous beefy, buttery, or sugary dishes wherein calories or fat content are not a consideration.

Shortly after our youngest daughter got me hooked on the show, I read an article in The NYT about the editor of one of the glossy women’s magazines being so inspired by The Pioneer Woman that she quit her job and moved her family from New York to an English farm in her husband’s family.  I’ve never hankered to live someplace that it’s best not to name the farm critters and I’m perfectly content to answer, “Not much” when anyone asks me what is going on at the Lee house.   But perhaps I should bring out the butter because much has been happening around here in the past two weeks or so.

Dearly Beloved decided, after more than a dozen years of having someone else handle our lawn maintenance, that he wanted to do it himself.   He broke the news to the lawn guy and then the fun was on.  While Ree refers to her husband as “the Marlboro man,” mine is the anti-shopping man, so he planned to do it all without setting foot inside a store.

First he ordered a tiller/edger/whatever.  He was ecstatic when it arrived, and assembled  it that same day so that he could till and over-seed all the thin spots in the lawn.  He wanted to be ready for his next internet purchase, a lawn mower.

We don’t have a large yard, so nothing fancy was needed, but still, I would have thought he’d have looked for something in the key-starter, self-propelled direction.  Oh no, he wanted one that would be “manly exercise.”  Not that I’m opposed to that, but it does mean that if he breaks an ankle or gets the flu or something, the grass will have to wait  because The Little Woman won’t be stepping up to the rope starter pull.

A few days after he ordered it, I said, “There’s a UPS truck.  Maybe it’s your lawnmower.”  

He scoffed.  “That baby won’t be coming in a dinky UPS truck.  It’ll be arriving in a SEMI!

While waiting, he contented himself with buying a chainsaw and, of course, watching the grass grow.  His manly mower finally arrived, not in an 18-wheeler, but still something larger than a UPS truck.  Oh, the joy…!

Manly machine delivery.
Manly machine delivery.

Said joy was short-lived when he began assembling it and found that one of the wheels had been damaged in transit.  He called the factory and they promised to send out a replacement wheel that same day.

That wasn’t fast enough. . .  he got out the duct tape.


The new one arrived Wednesday, but so did the rain.  He hasn’t been able to try it out yet with all four wheels, but he’s handling it well.  All this rain is sure to give him more to mow.

When he started looking into chainsaws, he mentioned that he’d better get a gas-powered mower because sometimes it was unsafe to be climbing trees with an electric one.

I called the tree-triming folks yesterday.  They wanted to know was it an emergency.

Could be.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.” – Harold Stone


10 thoughts on “Splendor in the Grass

  1. Oh good Lord. Time to do what my Mom did, pay for an emergency grandson visit. Cole trimmed, my dad directed and provided a male/bonding learning experience (or something like that…) my mother pulled out her rosary and hoped for the best. Cole leaves again tomorrow for ABQ to take on the Box Elder.
    DB reminds me of Joe’s brother who took up wine making—hard work, time consuming, messy, expensive. When I asked him why he would take on such a project…he smiled and said, “You have to do something.” I guess so, but I am big on Ice tea and a book…

    Love the Duct tape. So resourceful! Here is another amazing product http://sugru.com/.

    1. It has been interesting. Turns out that new dog Scout LOVES power tools. They send her her into leaping spiral pirouettes. That sugru stuff is fascinating! I must have some. I don’t know why yet, but I must. That’s not the first time you’ve come up with an interesting product. Thanks for being our testing guru.

    1. JB Weld sounds like a friend, like Jack Daniels. JB and the Sugru. . . heck, I could probably build that treehouse in the magnolia tree that I’ve been hankering for with those goodies. Hmm. Wood… I need some of that, too. With three construction projects going on around us, I know those dumpsters are holding treasures!

  2. Arkansas Patti

    That wheel is just too funny..Considering you are his back up, maybe keeping the phone number of the former yard guy handy would be a good idea. Dialing is a lot easier on the body than pull cranking a mower.

    1. Backup? Hmm. I’ll have to think about that. I’m sure as heck not his accomplice! The wheel tickled me, too. I saw that he’d thrown it in the garbage, now that he has a new one. I thought about getting it out and mounting it in a frame. 🙂

  3. NCMountainwoman

    Too funny. So glad DB knows to climb trees only with gas-powered chainsaws. Didn’t I recall that he isn’t supposed to even prune anymore? Much less trim trees.

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