March: Madder Than You Knew

The NCAA Sweet Sixteen begins today and Dearly Beloved is bummed that the first game isn’t until 7 PM.  He’s carping on behalf of our grandsons as well as basketball-loving kids everywhere because they’ll probably be able to watch only one of tonight’s games.

Some of DB’s mutterings are on his own behalf.  He knows he’s apt to doze about midway into the second game.

“Why did they DO that?” he whined when he saw the TV listings.

I’m sure that not everyone feels the same way he does.  There are groups that applaud the schedule.  Take, for instance, the Vasectomites.

The number of vasectomies increases dramatically during March Madness, according to a USA Today article.  The head of the Dept. of Regional Urology at the Cleveland Clinic says that he had them scheduled every 15 minutes… twice as many as he usually performs.

These days, the procedure can be scalpel-free and the anesthesia doesn’t even require a needle, so the sobs should be down to mere whimpering.

Guys who have steadfastly ignored their wives’ pleas for assistance in the birth control department decided the Big V could be an option, provided it was scheduled during NCAA playoff rounds.  A  couple of recuperative days on the sofa are just what the doctor orders.

Good enough!

Not only that,  the ice packs keep them from dozing….

There has been no outcry from the political candidates.  Or Congress.

I suppose it’s only humane to schedule the rest of the games after work hours, as optional appendectomies aren’t that easy to come by.

At our house, DB is making game preparations of his own:  an early nap. beginning now.

If that’s not enough to keep him alert tonight, ice packs are stashed in the freezer.

When creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then She smiled and made the earth round.  (Unknown)


14 thoughts on “March: Madder Than You Knew

  1. What a great way to market vasectomies clinics. They could even offer take home goodie bags for the game. A nerf basketball with the clinic name on it or a stress release ball. Some snacks. OR maybe they could do them during the commercials or the afternoon before the game, rent a big screen television and let the men watch and recover in their waiting room. Endless opportunities and ideas!

  2. Arkansas Patti

    I had heard that stat also and thought it funny. Actually a guy could just say he had one. What boss would ever check.
    Laughed out loud at the cornerless earth.

  3. Hmmm–what an interesting stat about vasectomies rising. Wouldn’t it be simpler to call in to work sick? Maybe with a migraine. No, wait–more women get migraines than men–rethinking…

    Love the creation joke.

  4. enough with this sports nonsense…..I am missing my weekly fix of Tom Selleck….Blue Bloods is off the air….I want Tom back!!!

  5. When my husband was working, he always took vacation days during the ACC Tournament and the NCAA Tournament. Somehow that made a lot more sense. After all, one vascectomy and your excuse is used up.

    Loved the creation quote. Please send it to select members of Congress and Presidential candidates. You know who they are.

  6. I think to remain balanced and fair, state legislatures should require that men have digital rectal exams before vasectomies (by a doctor with really big hands), and then be told that they can’t view any television for 24 hours prior to and after the surgery. Oh, and have to listen to the Monty Python song “Every Sperm Is Sacred” on a continual loop. Makes as much sense as the women-hating laws we’ve got here in Texas right now.

    1. If they’re going to make birth control for women such an issue, I thinking maybe a “sports” clinic with plasma TVs, so more guys will step up to the plate…er, table… and take one for the team.

  7. Geez, I learn a lot when I stop by here. And no, I’m not going to click on the above link to learn more.
    My son had that procedure last year. I must ask if it was during March madness. Well, perhaps not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s