My Beach Bum’s Back and I’m Gonna Be Blogging…

Dearly Beloved and his canine sidekick, Miss Piggy, have returned to the homeplace.  They remained at the beach-house-not-on-the-beach when I drove to Charlotte for my dentist appointment a couple of weeks ago.  I’d planned to re-join them, but decided it was too darned hot to make that drive again.

I worked on some projects here that are easier without a husband and dog around:  polished the hardwoods, sewed, watched movies I knew DB wouldn’t be interested in, even tried a quick diet before my physical this week.  He walked daily on the beach, played golf, looked for the Copperhead, and subscribed to the baseball channel.

Although we’d talked and e-mailed at least a dozen times a day, after he came home, DB confessed that he’d been concerned that I hadn’t been blogging.  I explained there really hadn’t had anything worth posting, thus confirming his belief that without him, my life is boring and meaningless.

He may have a point.

Yesterday he said he was going for a walk.  However, instead of leaving, he kept wandering through the house, from one end to the other, then back and forth again and again.  Finally, he came and stood before me.

Jokingly, he said, “I’ve got something you could blog about, but you’d be too embarrassed to tell anyone.  You may have wondered what I was doing.  I couldn’t find my glasses.  I’ve been searching for the last 10 minutes.”

“So, where did you find them?” I asked, looking into his bespectacled eyes.

“Where they are right now.  I looked in the mirror.”

So wrong about my being too embarrassed, DB!

As for Miss Piggy, she came back looking shaggy and grubby, so we took her to be groomed yesterday.  When I retrieved her in the afternoon, she was all coiffed and sporting a stylish pink print bandana.

This morning she wanted to go with me when I went in the back yard in my daily effort to beat the birds and squirrels to the figs. That was unusual for Miss P, since DB had already taken her for a walk.  She doesn’t like the heat.

I idly munched on a fig as I watched her rooting in the grass.  Then I realized that she was munching, too.

I yelled, “MISS PIGGY, NO!!!”

She ignored me and stuck her nose back into the grass.  I screamed again.  DB came out and watched as Miss Piggy finally ambled toward the house.

“Why is she licking her lips?” he asked, even though I knew full well that he’d heard me hollering at the top of my lungs, “DROP THAT TURD!!!”

Jon Stewart often gives a news report, usually about Congress, then shakes his head and says, “There’s just no way you can polish that turd.”  

He’s right.  But I’ll write about it… you know,  now that my life has meaning again.

Old photo of our cigar-smoking poop eater.
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15 thoughts on “My Beach Bum’s Back and I’m Gonna Be Blogging…

  1. I thought maybe Miss Piggy was finding figs in the grass! I knew there was a reason I don’t have a dog these days. Blecccchhhh!

    I love DB. He’s a man after my own frailties. There’s absolutely nothing in this world that could make getting old fun, unless it’s being lucky enough to live with a partner who’ll help you mine it for the humor.

    Relief on it’s way, weather-wise, folks. Here comes Emily!

    1. You’re right. He does make it fun, but he’s been fun all along. Don’t want to suggest any single friends should be mining the urologist’s office looking for a smiley face.

      Come on, Emily. . . but not too close. You can cry on us; just don’t be a blowhard.

    1. Birdie

      Uhm cute is not the word I would use to describe this cunning creature. Miss Piggy has the ability to psych out the humankind around her; and to pretend she didn’t hear/didn’t understand. she is simply quite smart at getting to do what she wants and then smiling sweetly—oh right, she wants us to think she is cute.

  2. What a guy hubby is to volunteer to take one for the blogging team!! Gotta love it.
    Do you suppose we are missing something by NOT eating turds? Could she and thousands of dogs be on to something?

    1. Interesting thought. You think we should eat theirs or ours? We KNOW people do it; just think how many sh*t-eatin’ grins and brown noses we’ve seen on TV lately.

      I think we’d better stick to vitamins.

  3. Lord, he’s still looking for that copperhead? Then I thought you were going to tell me that Miss Piggy had found it and was chowing down on it. Turds are waaaaaay better.

  4. Is Miss Piggy “issue” a new one? If so you might want to consider changing your dog food to something higher in protein (I know–your laughing which is why I usually avoid advice on this issue) you might also want to consider more fiber– carrots and rice cakes are good choices.
    I have been talking on my phone while searching for it so I can feel DB pain.

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