The Poop on Holistics

(Thanks for letting me know that WordPress or maybe the rabbits ate my original post.  Thankfully, I had e-mailed a copy to my friend Beanie whose eagle eye catches my errors, so I was able to retrieve it from an e-mail.   I could be blaming the wrong parties, however.  You know my dog’s fondness for eating poop and that is, after all, the subject at hand here.)

A holistic pet food store opened in our neighborhood last year.

We have always bought our cocker spaniel’s food from the vet:  a high fiber, diet food that makes her the crapping-est canine in the county. One day, however, I wandered in to the pet food store to see if they carry Pill Pockets and yes, they did.  Pill Pockets are a mainstay at our house, although I can’t tell you how much it vexes me to have to buy them.  Is it logical for a dog to refuse to eat chewable pills, but eat her own poop?  We have to hide the chewables in Pill Pockets.   She’d eat nails in those suckers.   I’d like to be the one to invent something similar for humans.

I suppose I mentioned all this the pet store owner in my usual “I’m getting older and I babble to strangers” way, because he informed me that he could solve her fetid fetish.

Hah!  Veterinarians in more than one city have tried and failed.  But, as his zeal in promoting his store products matched Harold Camping in preaching fervor.  I was so enraptured, I agreed to give his food a try.

The first time, he started her on a senior dogfood.  As some of you have told me, he explained that dog poop still has some minerals in it and that’s what Miss Piggy was after– trying to satisfy a diet deficiency.  I think she simply has a taste for sh-t.  The food he recommended was supposed to be more completely digestible and thus, solve the problem.

We gave it a try, but after two bags of the recommended food, we noticed no improvement.   Miss Piggy still dined on doodoo.

Let me stop here to point out that this is not something that happens now and then.  She patrols the yard, ignoring the crazy wabbits and the damnsquirrels, interested only in  whatever droppings may be on the menu.  She even tries to bring it inside, like a normal dog would do with a bone.  Whenever she comes to the back door for reentry with her jaws locked firmly, I know she has a snack packed inside her cheeks.

“Drop it,” means nothing to her.  I could go in after it, but honestly, I just leave her outside while I go to the bathroom to gag.

In fairness, she is a pig about  ‘most everything, completely obsessed with food.  For instance, when Dearly Beloved took the little pigster for a walk yesterday,  he gave me the The Poop Report when he returned.   “TWO GIANT ONES,” he said, shaking his head…“and they had corn in them.”

CORN?

We had corn some nights ago and I buried the corn cobs in the compost pile.  She must have excavated them.  (Dearly Beloved said he thought it looked familiar.)

The pet store guy’s next suggestion was a product containing venison and sweet potatoes.  I resisted that one.  It wasn’t so much eating Bambi as the sweet potatoes that made me nervous.  Don’t they sometimes cause gas?  We’re already afraid to light candles around her.

We moved on to the next recommendation on the list:  a synergistic diet, whatever that is.  It’s supposed to result in “superior stool quality.”   If all goes well, we could be the envy of the neighborhood:  an A+ in pooch poop.

I asked DB to tell me when he realized he was picking up superior poop.  He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to know.

According to the information printed on the back,  we’ll get “lower stool volume and less backyard clean up.”  

We eased her into the new diet–half the synergistic, half the kind she’d been eating.  Last night was the first meal with only synergistic.  How soon could we expect the miracle? I could hardly wait to hear how things went when Dearly Beloved took her for their morning constitutional ….

Baa, baa, Bag Man, were there any poops?

This morning, Merrily, three bags I scooped.  

Sigh.

We’re still hopeful.  I can imagine our jubilation.  We’ll celebrate:  high fives and sh-t eating grins.

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15 thoughts on “The Poop on Holistics

  1. Birdie

    Have a call into the blog-ess; she is not answering either phone. But I have left detailed messages on her cell & home –come back and fix it, we can’t wait to read it.

  2. Could you please let me know when you find the solution, we have two little dogs who think we bury treats for them in the cat litter box.

    {{{{gagging}}}}

  3. I think the whole “mineral deficiency” reasoning is a lot of malarkey. Some dogs just like to eat sh*t, in much the same way as Newt Gingrich likes to take back the stuff that comes out of his mouth.

  4. I agree it is a taste thing, not a deficiency. Mighty eats that sweet potato and chicken food, with senior vitamins, joint formula and a dash of pure pumpkin. He still eats worm jerky and would eat sh*t in a heart beat if given the chance.
    Funny post that I can relate to.

  5. I’ve commented elsewhere recently that I don’t think I can, in good conscience, continue to blog without acquiring a pet. Somebody forgot to tell me back in the start-up phase that pet ownership was obligatory. I’ve felt conflicted and guilty of blogging without the proper prerequisites.

    Thank you for making the decisive input on this issue. You’ve saved me flea infestations, regular retching, and the endless baggie issue. And pet insurance. I’ll check back in often to see what else I can feel relieved about. It’s a real public service you’ve got here.

  6. She sounds like my (deceased) doggy, Akasha, who also would dig up the compost pile and eat the corncobs whole. She would patrol the garden and eat the tomatos right off the plants – and come inside with the guilt written all over her face (a yellow piggy-puppy snout). She also liked to snack out of the cats’ litterbox.

  7. Julie

    Loved your post from “I’m getting older and I babble to strangers” (me too!) to the Harold Camping comment. The rest was just sh_t talk! You alwasy make me laugh. :O)

  8. We don’t have this problem with our dogs…and we don’t want this problem with our dogs. I wish you the very best, but I am not letting our dogs read this post!

  9. You’ve done it again, I’m laughing so much I’ve got tears running down my cheeks! The only time I ever had a dog was when I was still living at home and I can’t say I ever saw Scamp eating his own poop, thank goodness. My gag reflexes would have been getting a good work out, that’s for sure! lol Saying that, just the other day when I was cleaning out my faerie garden, out comes Sheba, our neighbour’s German Sheppard and runs around in circles to find a good place to poop which happens to be right across the fence from where I was. I looked away so that she could poop in peace and when I looked up again, there she was sniffing it and I immediately thought of you and your dog, holding my breath and thinking don’t you dare eat it or I’ll throw up right there and then. Out came her tongue and that was enough for me, I got up and ran into the house gagging! lol xoxo

  10. I love you for reminding me that we do not have this as an ongoing problem at our house! Only occasionally will our Sagie take a bite out of her own crime – and usually just in the winter. Must be something about poopsicles…

  11. My dog Sophie eats her poop every single day. Try stopping that when you live on a farm and your dogs are never on-leash! My dogs eat a raw meat diet, which does lower their output, but that doesn’t deter Sophie from recycling. Urgh. I can’t believe I’m eating my morning toast as I type this.

    And I’ve been babblng to strangers since I was in my 20s so don’t feel bad. 😉

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