The Sheet Hits the Fan

Perhaps it’s because I had a birthday this month, another step toward Old Fartesshood,  (you’ll figure it out; I have confidence)  that I have a few things I want to get off my chest.

Before you ask… no, I am not going to buy an underwire bra.

Sometimes, it’s the little things….

The Scarfette mystery remains unsolved.  Although you were kind enough to check some of the 28,000 scarfette Google links, any use for the ones I have still eludes me.  Without ripping out a seam or sewing them together, there is no way they’ll fit on a head.

Hello, Smithsonian…?

At least I think I could find their phone number!  Our phone company gives us two phone books–The Real Yellow Pages and the real teeny-weeny yellow pages, the latter having no reasonable purpose at all–they can’t even raise grandkids to the proper sitting height at the table.

We no longer receive White Pages with personal names and addresses–just a note that if we want white pages, we must order them.

Why  would they think we wouldn’t want white pages?  Finding personal phone numbers and addresses online is frustrating.  411.com, whitepages.com.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.   What do you use?

Besides the real and the teeny-weeny,  we receive a third commercial directory called Yellow Book.  How unoriginal!  What’s needed is an Easier Place to Find People and Businesses book.  And it shouldn’t be yellow.

Now,  onto itchy bitchy printed matters concerning fabrics….

OSHA needs to beef up its regulations and require that clothing tags be made of something besides steel wool.  Those thick, scratchy labels either stick out of my top or curl up on the nape of my neck, looking like a mouse hiding beneath my blouse.

That itches, Ralph.


Also, is it too much to ask that sheet manufacturers print the size of sheets somewhere on the darned things?  I’m certain we’re not the only ones with different-sized beds in our home,  yet none of the sheets have sizes printed on the labels.  I either have to remember what is what (not going to happen) or unfold them.  Am I missing something, or are the sheet manufacturers?

Finally, speaking of the printed word… if Dearly Beloved positions his bifocals like this for reading, isn’t it time for new glasses?

Four eyes.
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11 thoughts on “The Sheet Hits the Fan

  1. Well, happy birthday girl! Better late than never, as they say.
    So, you have to order white pages. Now that’s really odd because we still get the white pages WITH the yellow pages; in other words, it’s in one book still in our little town. I always have a terrible time finding something in our yellow pages and wind up having to be “referred” to other titles… which never seem to be exactly what I’m looking for.
    Know what you mean about blouse and shirt labels; I love it when they’re printed on the fabric on the casual shirts… and wish they’d move them down to a side seam on the other stuff.
    All of my sheets are labeled Twin, Queen, etc., so don’t understand why yours don’t also have the size on the tags. I’d be tempted to write the size in indelible ink on a bottom hem, if I were you. Darn if I’d be unfolding those things just to get the sizes!

    1. I have a terrible time finding things in the yellow pages, too. Even if it’s a business, if I know the name of it, it’s much easier in the white pages.

      I agree about the labels printed on the casual shirts–I like that, too.

      LOL! Now I must look to see what oddball brand of sheets I have! And yes, I write on them.

  2. lulu

    I have a few things I want to get off my chest.
    Before you ask… no, I am not going to buy an underwire bra.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL….OMG, I HOPE I CAN REMEMBER TO USE THAT WHEN I AM IN FRONT OF MY KIds!!! :):):) Another great post – with another great merrilymaryleeism!:):) LOLOLOLOL

  3. Birdie

    all my sheets are embossed with a sharpie as to their size. I used to be able to remember which color went with which bed, but . . ., uh, what?
    OH yellow sheets–well I will have to refer you to ye olde capitalistic marketplace — you see the ads in the yellow pages covered the cost of the white pages. No one uses yellow pages much anymore–it is easier to Google “yarn shops” and it will not refer you to something else. No use, no advertising dollars.

  4. Sheets. Yes. Why? I hate that. Clothing tags. Yes. Tiny weapons. Does anybody use phone books anymore? I toss them immediately now. When I was little, there was a TV show called “What in the World,” where experts would have to guess the identity of an unknown archeological object. The Scarfette would have totally undone them.

  5. I’m sad to hear that the scarfettes were too small for the head, because that was the least controversial guess my poor brain produced.

    Happy Birthday, honey! I wish you well on your trek from the ridiculous to the sublime.

  6. The itch factor is magnified when it comes to Mr. Monk! Thank goodness more and more children’s tops are now made with printed labels.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH! You still got it. LOL. 😉 The title alone is priceless.

  7. Happy Birthday Month, that is how to milk it. Dang, I only get one day.
    Living in a tiny town has its advantages and disadvantages. The phone book is so small (thin paper back size and that is for the whole county) that it is easy to handle but it doesn’t add any height to the chairs of visiting small ones.

  8. Happy Birthday! belated or otherwise.
    Yellow page, White pages? OMG. On-line is so much better. Wait, I’m sorry this is your rant and I will support it…yes, yellow pages that do not raise a small child to proper table height are a big, big fail.
    I take the sheets off the beds, wash the sheets, and put them back on the bed. But if I had more than one set of sheets per bed–I would want them clearly labeled.
    Itchy labels nothing worse. If they can send a man to the moon…well never mind–if Obama enacts a no itchy label law–he might get my vote (don’t hold me to it, tho!)
    Underwire bra’s. I don’t think so–just give them up entirely and be free…free at last.

    And what about those squirrels…..?

  9. My wife has this people-phone-number-locating thing mastered online. I’m not sure how she does it…but for myself, if I need a phone number I just ask her.

    Do they still make underwire bras? Do they still make bras?

  10. Oh — the sheets. I think different colored sheets for different sized beds is the perfect solution. Of course you will have to develop a spreadsheet to keep it all sorted out.

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