Stephen King Thinks He Knows Misery?!

Ivy, the granddog Goldendoodle,  is staying with us while her family goes  to Disney World.   She left a house with three lively boys and a playful kitten for one where two of the occupants are levitating between moribund and hereafter and the third one doesn’t like dogs.  (That last occupant, by the way, IS a dog. )

Dearly Beloved and I wouldn’t be talking at all if it weren’t to whine about which one of us is sicker.  Neither of us is a good patient, especially when there are no nursemaids around to minister to us.

While I didn’t get that much sympathy initially, he has offered profuse apologies for his previous lack of sensitivity, possibly in the hope that I will do my Clara Barton imitation.

Fat chance.

Miss Piggy does not acknowledge Ivy’s presence.  In fact, she is so certain that Ivy does not exist that she assumes ALL the chew bones are hers and piles them up in her bed, then chews frantically to eat them all.

On the other hand,  Ivy is learning a trick or two herself.  At her house she is a slow and picky eater, nibbling at her cup of kibble throughout the day.   No more.  By her third day here, she was sliding around the corner on two legs to stand ready in front of her food bowl as soon as she heard the rustle of the bag.

All the misery makes this Camp Big Yawn for an active dog, so yesterday I decided I’d take the dogs for a walk.  I pulled on overalls over my pajamas.

Miss Piggy went half a block, did her business, and planted herself.  The only way she was going any farther was if I pulled her like a runnerless sled.  I brought her back, then slogged out again with Ivy prancing around me.  We walked about six blocks on the icy sidewalks without incident, but I didn’t want to push my luck.  Back home again, only one of us was panting.

It wasn’t the dog.

Today, DB tried taking her, but the pallor on his face indicated it didn’t go as he’d hoped.  He pooped out before she pooped.  He brought her home and put her in the back yard to chase critters, then assumed his prone position on the couch.

Because Ivy gives me looks that say, “Hey, do you realize that my other grandmother rides scooters?–the KID kind??” I sometimes put on a coat and go outside to let her run circles around me.  That counts… right?

Alas, the only game played here is Pass the Virus.  Two different bugs or one long siege?  As Little Focker’s granddad would say, double dose.Our house sounds like a detox center–phlegmy coughs, moans, shuffling steps.  Thank goodness we have two sofas so that neither of us has to stay upright.

DB’s voice sounds as if a sumo wrestler is sitting on his chest, so on the occasion he does try to speak, I can’t hear him.  It is hard, even when we are in the same room (the preferred method for conversation) or he’s at least facing in my direction, but generally, the checkered talking flag doesn’t drop until he is well on the way down the hall.  That makes me cranky.

This afternoon I heard a crash in the kitchen, then a mutter.

“What was that?” I called out from the sofa.


“WHICH DIRECTION ARE YOU FACING?,” I yelled grouchily, to remind him that I couldn’t hear him.

“Right now I’m facing the floor, picking up this broken cup.”

Although the question of which one of us is sicker is still unresolved, DB did make one irrefutable claim of victory today.

“My cough is more repulsive than yours.”

When the man is right, he’s right.

Miss Piggy full of chew bones.
Like my flaps down?
Or UP?
Can't decide?
YUM! Were those truffles?

13 thoughts on “Stephen King Thinks He Knows Misery?!

  1. Birdie

    Ivy is a beautiful animal with a giant spirit!! Of course, I realize that all her galloping only emphasizes your own lack of energy. Thanks for sharing her glee!

  2. One should never laugh at the miseries of others, but I gotta admit I can’t help it. Makes our Christmas (daughter stuck at airport and had to go back home, heavy snowfall confining us so visitors can’t get home, and a power failure along with a generator failure) ALMOST merry!

    I do feel so sorry that both of you are sick at the same time. And each of you is more miserable than the other. I’m sure Ivy will be happy to see her energetic family!

    1. Birdie

      OH, NC Mountainwoman, sounds horrendous. We were in Key West with reservations back on the ferry. The day after Christmas was so rough the ferry did not make its daily trip from Ft Myers. Last night as the crew tried to stay as close to the coast as safety allows, there were quite a few people who wished they had not taken it last night. The crew was well equipped with “seasick” bags, wet cloths, advice etc. Our travel group was borderline. This cold front has done in the entire east coast.

  3. I wonder if Ivy whispers in Ms Piggy ear at night, “You are to a dog.” Pups have ways of getting even. As long as you cheer, Go Ivy Go letting her run circle around you counts.
    Its hard to be the hostess or host with the most when you feel like crap…hope you and yours are up and at it soon! In the mean time snuggle with your precious furs and offer them a lick and promise for long walks or more chew bones when you feel better.

  4. All I know is that the Man is ALWAYS sicker. Always. Period. It’s the law. It is awful trying to care for exhuberant pets when you are ill. My sympathies. I really enjoyed Ivy dressed as the Little Match Girl, too. How come Miss Piggy didn’t get to dress up? May you have a Happy New Year. Michele

  5. I hope by the time you are reading this post you are feeling much better. I have been walking around with a miserable cold, myself. Thank God, I am the only one sick in the family because I would surely be laid to rest for the lack of attention.

    The dogs had me cracking up. I can visualize those walks, standing in the backyard (oh my, in the snow too) The older dog verses the young smaller high-energy dog, and feeling under the weather.

    Happy Holidays to you! Stay warm. I am looking forward to your posts in the new year.


  6. I am so sorry that you are so sick! {{{hugs}}}

    You must show DB this video about “Man Cold”. Yes, they are always sicker than we are.

    And if they hurt themselves, we have to immediately show up by their side and give them our sympathy, otherwise that little scratch may require amputation. Ugh.

    Speedy recovery!

  7. Okay, I’m completely empathizing with you on this post. I have that nasty bug that is going around and since I’m staying with my daughter, I have to take her dogs out three times a day while she’s at work. We don’t have snow, but it’s cold, frost the last two mornings AND Florida dogs don’t like the cold. I have to put coats on these two little rats, I mean dogs, or they won’t even step foot outside. Now I never had to dress my Lab and if I had, I know he would have found another home. He knew how to go outside, do his business and get back inside where it was nice and warm. He saved the running for the beach!

    Get well quick and have a Happy New Year!

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