Maybe it’s the alignment of the planets–something about Jupiter and Uranus–but Dearly Beloved and I have been more addled than usual lately. We’ve broken glasses, spilled coffee, forgotten to turn on the toaster, misplaced things. It has gotten so ridiculous that we have started sharing with each other Life Lessons Learned, to prevent the other one from making the same dumb mistake.
For instance, one of mine was:
When returning an item to a store, things go much faster if you take the item with you.
His: Close your eyes before spraying suntan lotion on your face.
(Actually, he calls it sunburn lotion and believes the rest of the world has not thought carefully enough about exactly what they’re trying to prevent or they’d call it that, too.)
One’s good shoes are a magnet for dog poop. (I’m afraid that’s mine.)
Don’t wear bedroom shoes to a restaurant. (His.)
DB, who has been at the beach this week, sent me this strange one:
If you see a white shiny shell on the beach, look carefully before you pick it up. It could be bird poop.
This is a man who never collects shells. In fact, whenever I do, he asks, “What are you going to do with those things besides putting them in the garage?”
So, the one time the poor guy tries to pick up a shell of his own… well, that’s just crap!
I didn’t think it was worth adding to the list. That had to be a once-in-a-lifetime glitch, right?
Yesterday I was talking to a young shop owner friend, who mentioned that she has been very forgetful of late and has made so many silly, out-of-character mistakes that she’s becoming concerned about herself.
I sympathized and, while not discounting her fears, told her my planet alignment theory. I mentioned how I’d been walking on an uptown sidewalk earlier in the day and had dropped a bag full of library books which scattered in all directions. A man walked by and asked, “Ma’am, are you having a bad day?”
“No, if this is the worst thing that happens, I’m having a good day!”
Then I told her about DB’s seashell rule, hoping to cheer her. Instead, she said, in all seriousness, “He’s RIGHT! My daughter has done that a bunch of times.” Granted, her daughter is probably a first grader, but now that I’ve heard of it happening twice, perhaps I should pass along the caution as a public service.
I don’t think we need to cross-stitch it on a pillow, but remember:
If you see seashells by the seashore, make sure you know shells from… um… shine-ola.