Planet of the Mistakes

Maybe it’s the alignment of the planets–something about Jupiter and Uranus–but Dearly Beloved and I have been more addled than usual lately.  We’ve broken glasses, spilled coffee, forgotten to turn on the toaster, misplaced things.  It has gotten so ridiculous that we have started sharing with each other Life Lessons Learned, to prevent the other one from making the same dumb mistake.

For instance, one of mine was:

When returning an item to a store, things go much faster if you take the item with you.

His: Close your eyes before spraying suntan lotion on your face.

(Actually, he calls it sunburn lotion and believes the rest of the world has not thought carefully enough about exactly what they’re trying to prevent or they’d call it that, too.)

One’s good shoes are a magnet for dog poop.  (I’m afraid that’s mine.)

Don’t wear bedroom shoes to a restaurant.  (His.)

DB, who has been at the beach this week, sent me this strange one:

If you see a white shiny shell on the beach, look carefully before you pick it up.  It could be bird poop.

This is a man who never collects shells.  In fact, whenever I do, he asks, “What are you going to do with those things besides putting them in the garage?”

So, the one time the poor guy tries to pick up a shell of his own… well, that’s just crap!

I didn’t think it was worth adding to the list.  That had to be a once-in-a-lifetime glitch, right?

Well, no…!

Yesterday I was talking to a young shop owner friend, who mentioned that she has been very forgetful of late and has made so many silly, out-of-character mistakes that she’s becoming concerned about herself.

I sympathized and, while not discounting her fears, told her my planet alignment theory.  I mentioned how I’d been walking on an uptown sidewalk earlier in the day and had dropped a bag full of library books which scattered in all directions.  A man walked by and asked, Ma’am, are you having a bad day?”

“No,  if this is the worst thing that happens,  I’m having a good day!”

Then I told her about DB’s seashell rule, hoping to cheer her.  Instead, she said, in all seriousness, “He’s RIGHT!  My daughter has done that a bunch of times.” Granted, her daughter is probably a first grader, but now that I’ve heard of it happening twice, perhaps I should pass along the caution as a public service.

I don’t think we need to cross-stitch it on a pillow, but remember:

If you see seashells by the seashore, make sure you know shells from… um… shine-ola.


13 thoughts on “Planet of the Mistakes

  1. I can relate, since my addle-brained husband cleaned the hamster cage, put the hamster back in it and neglected to CLOSE the cage this week. Was it the impending full (and harvest) moon, you suppose?

  2. Oh I do hope your children do not read your blog. They will be looking for “placement” for dear old mom and dad.

    I’m laughing AND crying over this post because it rings so true in our family. One of mine was so similar to yours, “when returning an item to the store, make sure you return it to the same store where you purchased it.”

    If it really is a planet alignment thing, then the planets have been out of line my entire life!

  3. Oh man, I’m so glad to read that you and others are having similar “moments.” I was going to blame mine on the lingering effects of my flu shot, but I’ll buy into the planetary explanation. Works for me.

    Pardon me, but I have to go check the bottoms of my shoes now.

  4. Of course, it goes without saying that, if you’re going grocery shopping, bring your list. That one was a problem for me at thirty, so I’ve got a resistant, thirty-year, bad habit pattern going. I used to get a kick out of being able to recall all but two items on a 15- item list; now, I can’t even get one.

    DH has the same problem. His fall-back item is brown basmati rice. He forgot it on a shopping trip about a month ago and has been buying a bag every time he’s gone to a grocery store ever since. That’s four bags of brown basmati rice in our pantry. I have to write lists like this now:

    Lite Soy Milk
    Dark Chocolate

    1. Our kids and I have said down and tried to train Dearly Beloved in the art of fast food window ordering. I’d ask for a Large Diet Coke with lemon and he would pass the order on as “One Cola.” Once he ordered every entree on a fast food menu rather than call me and admit he hadn’t been listening. he still got it wrong. I’d asked for something from the “light menu.”

  5. Thank you for explaining it. Once my wife and I walked into the garage to jump in the car to head off somewhere. I entered the drivers side of my car, the nearest one. She passenger side of her car, the farthest one. We both closed our doors at the same time…..then looked at each other from car to car…and just sat there staring…and then both of us started laughing uncontrollably. The planets….that’ll work.

  6. Jumped in the car to take one of my campers (pups) home this weekend..took his food, took his allergy med and got half to his house before it occurred to me, that I had forgotten the camper. Do over. So yes, I can relate and will certainly take your reminder with me to the next time I search for sea shells.

  7. Dawn

    Hee hee.. I can always count on good laugh when visiting your blog!
    Never have picked up bird plop instead of a shell.. Back to reading mire funnies..:)

  8. steffiw

    mine is more shameful..this very past weekend i was in a carpark loading the car with shopping,pram and kids ranging from 5mths to 19years,i turned to 19yr old and asked where whats his name was,i had to describe my 7yr old in detail to him before i could remember his name!!!!-amazingly i then had to add “your brother”before 19yr old got it…..

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