An Apple a Day Saves the Tomatoes

When my neighbor asked me to water her tomato plants while they were away on vacation,  she mentioned that the damnsquirrels do not bother her tomatoes.  Surely it was not a matter of taste, although I had planted heirlooms, while hers were ordinary cherry tomatoes.   No way was I going to give the little bastards credit for being pink Brandywine gourmands.

More likely, it was that her dog chases the squirrels while Miss Piggy watches them through the deck railing and waves cheerily.

Also, Neighbor planted hers in a waist-high brick planter very near her air conditioning unit.  Maybe a nice 50″ fan or two in my bed might deter them from our plants next year.  I’ll have to calculate the CPT–cost per tomato.  A BB gun is probably more cost-effective, even if more labor intensive.  How much are BB gun shooting lessons?

Early one morning I climbed over the back fence in my pajamas so that I could water her unscathed tomatoes without having to go via the front (don’t ask) and that put me behind her garage where they have a large apple tree.  All around the tree was a plethora of half-eaten apples.   Hmmmm.

Later that morning I glanced over at her garage roof and saw a strange weather vane.

Sittin' on top of the world

A few minutes later, he took a flying leap into the apple tree.  The tree isn’t as close to the garage as it looks in the picture.   Wouldn’t any creature that isn’t a lunatic take the easy way up and climb the tree instead of the garage?

Back when I planted our tomatoes, I stuck out one basil plant to enjoy with my tomato crop, but the purist damnsquirrels preferred to steal them without herbal embellishment, so the basil is now chest high.

I wonder if I could hide tomato plants behind a basil wall next year.  In the meantime,  we’ve eaten so much basil we’re considering it a green vegetable.

Basil Rathbone-sized basil.

The recently installed baffle is still keeping the little bastards from the main feeder, but The Damnsquirrel Gang hangs around the thistle pole now, because even a failed jump shakes some seeds onto the ground.  Eventually, one of the little bastards makes a successful leap.

This morning, when Beelzebub finally latched onto the feeder for a thistle seed high, Dearly Beloved ran out hollering indignantly.   He seemed strangely energized when he came back into the house.  The broom he’d tossed missed only by inches, he said.

I volunteered a disposable pizza pan as a baffle, but he thinks he has perfected his throwing calculations to make contact next time.

Since they haven’t returned yet, he’s wondering whether he spooked them or they’re off having a powwow to discuss their next move.

Spook those sumbitches?  Not even if he rides that flying broom.


5 thoughts on “An Apple a Day Saves the Tomatoes

  1. I do have to ask! Because I am laughing so hard at the thought of you going over the fence in your PJs. Thank goodness your neighbors are understanding. Otherwise…seeing a woman over the fence in PJs and her husband hollering and throwing brooms across the yard…let’s just say that in some neighborhoods that might be a tad unusual.

    Cllimbing the tree is not sufficiently challenging for this damnsquirrel. He lives on the cusp of danger and laughs in the face of all enemies. (I think he has a country cousin that moved to the mountains.)

    What beautiful basil. Time to make pesto and freeze it for the winter. Dry some in the sun and you’ll have dried basil for pasta sauce. Besides, it will keep your mind off the damnsquirrels for a while.

  2. I’m thinking your neighbors are live trappin squirrels and turning them loose on your property just to watch the show :)) I would be tempted. You really should approach a reality TV producer.
    How about just putting an apple each day by the tomato plants. Maybe if they had a choice??

  3. Paint a sign. Big sign. Make the arrow really red…put an apple on the sign..and point it towards the tree…Make sure the sign reads–squirrels welcome! Can you shoot basil from a stun gun? Out dam Squirrels…OUT! Ok enough from me…its just sometimes you feel like a nut..and don’t.

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