Hey, There’s A BEVERAGE Here!

Here at the beach house-not-on-the-beach this week, I have tried to give my nerves a rest from worrying about the damnsquirrels at home.  I’m sure they emptied the bird feeders and chalked nasty notes on the driveway as soon as I drove away.  They’re probably digging up my flower beds and eating all my bulbs, but I won’t think about that.  Deep breaths….

Not that we’re squirrel-free here, but since they had already stripped the peach tree, the fig tree, and our lone tomato plant before I arrived, there was nothing left for them to do to cause further aggravation.   I dismissed them from my thoughts. Breathe in…breathe out….

There was one incident.  Just close your eyes, Girl.  Keep breathing.

Dearly Beloved was reading a book and enjoying a glass of wine on the patio this weekend, a shady spot under the hickory tree.  The poor guy had to hold his hand over the glass to keep the Hickory nuts from “falling” into his wine.

Falling, my ass!   I heard one squirrel yell, “10 points!” And we’re breathing, and we’re breathing….

For those of you who keep insisting that they’re “cute,” I offer one more piece of evidence.  Take a look at this picture that my Indianapolis daughter sent this morning.  Note the half-eaten tomato.

You say toMAHto, I say SUMBITCH!!!

I rest my case.  Pass the wine.


16 thoughts on “Hey, There’s A BEVERAGE Here!

  1. I agree with the KitchenWitch! I hate to say it, but by the time winter rolls around, you’re going to be walking the streets with yer shirt on backwards, and mis-matched flip flops, muttering “SumBITCH Damnsquirrels…SumBITCH! Get’em, I’ll Get’em, I’ll Show’em. SumBITCH!” And they’ll be riding the beehive hairdo you’re sure to be sporting, snuggling in for the winter…


  2. Somehow I picture DB as preferring red wine. Perhaps he might switch to white…less problem with stains. While we have plenty of damnsquirrel problems here, I must say they haven’t thrown anything so far! And you can tell from previous comments that as much as we love you and empathize with you, we do hope the squirrels will continue to give you blogger material. Too funny!

  3. The squirrels are not a problem here. I think I can thank Patsy and Bumper for that. Shall I hire them out???? Although after a few days of Patsy, you may prefer the squirrels!

  4. May I thank you for my eyes? After squinting in order to read the other blogs (yes, you know who you are! Trying to kill me with the smallest typeface you can find…) when I came over here, I heard the angels sing. Really.

    How did the tomato get up there? How..? Never mind. We don’t want to know. Pass the wine.

  5. You do know you aren’t going to win this one don’t you??? They have spent eons developing their “how to outsmart humans” skills.
    Actually I am glad you have them for they are the subject of really funny posts.
    Breathe deeply and count slowly.

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