Does An Apple Fall Far From The Tree?

Sunrise over the Alligator River

Another sunrise, compliments of BroJoe, the brother who never sleeps.

Last week you may have read a story in the newspaper about a guy who, since being struck by lightning in 2006, has had trouble sleeping, so he is up at all hours of the night, tinkering on various projects.  That’s how he happened to be outside in the wee hours of the morning, working on his truck, when he got mauled by a bear.   Since I’ve been showing pictures of sunrises and bears, compliments of BroJoe,  I want to assure you that the lightning-struck, bear-mauled man (who is now on vacation at North Myrtle Beach) is NOT my brother.  I don’t know the man.

Things are not exactly tranquil around here.  When I checked my tomato plants and saw that the squirrels had picked every last green tomato,  I yanked out the plants in a mad frenzy and hit Home Depot for some un-tasty flowers for that bed.  I e-mailed BroJoe about it, telling him that if I couldn’t have any tomatoes, neither could the squirrels.

He wrote back that I sounded just like Mother.   Funny… Dearly Beloved says the same thing.

Dearly Beloved hasn’t exactly been Mr. CCC  (cool, calm, and collected) himself lately since he declared war on  the damnsquirrels.   He has the armchair in the sunroom turned so he can glance at the bird feeder while he is reading.  Yesterday he suddenly slammed down The Girl Who Played With Fire and dashed out on the deck yelling, “GET YOUR ASS OFF THERE!” loudly enough that any neighbors on the block  unlucky enough to be sitting down vacated their chairs immediately.

Our kids would be shocked.  The man just doesn’t do things like that.

I regret that I did not have my camera handy later in the day when I saw Lucifer -the-damnsquirrel making a mad dash to outrun the broom which had been hurled from the deck.  Missed by an inch.

Still later,  I looked out and saw my steely-eyed caveman poised to hurl another javelin, this time a mop I’d put out to dry.

DB hasn’t been reading and warring all the time, however.  He spent a lot of time outside this week working on the sprinkler system, a skill he has developed since retirement.

My hero in 97-degree heat.

This morning he was up at sunrise, checking to make sure that the sprinkler system was working properly.  As he walked around the back yard checking the sprinkler heads, a green apple came sailing out of the tree.

The oak tree.

Since the nearest apple tree is in our neighbor’s yard next door,  the culprit had to be a damnsquirrel.

The question is… was it dropped or was it thrown?


13 thoughts on “Does An Apple Fall Far From The Tree?

  1. Go buy a Super-Squirter for DB. Nothing makes a man feel more macho than a gun of any kind in his hand while he protects the family from the wild animals. An added benefit…it will do a little bit of watering for you.

    Of course, your super-intelligent damnsquirrel will probably think he’s getting a nice bath and will come back next time toting a towel.

    Great post…chocked full of fun.

    1. I’m an idiot! I should have thought of that! You may have saved my broom and perhaps DB’s sanity. Is the Super-Squirter powerful enough to lift the little bastard right off the ground?

  2. I’m telling you, I’ll gladly loan you Patchouli and Smudge. Our squirrels are quite respectful and keep their distance.

  3. Darn if I don’t think NCMountanWoman hit it on the head. There are some really powerful squirters out there. Dearly Beloved will come to love the damnsquirrels….targets of opportunity.

  4. I’ll gladly donate a large, very smart, useless groundhog to your backyard. Or would you prefer the deer, the chipmunks, the occasional bunny or the lone fox? Considering that I live in not-quite suburban NJ, I have a mini-zoo here. Want any of them? And no, I have enough squirrels of my own, so don’t send me any.

  5. MZ, say it ain’t so! We’re like the Cardinal Motel around here, but they don’t touch the tomatoes. One cardinal stripped your plantS? Sounds like he has issues. Since I’ve seen them fight with their reflection in the kick plate of our front door, I wonder if your red psycho was looking for food and drink, or fighting off imagined terrorists. Maybe our bird feeders made our tomatoes not worth their time.

    Ruth–definitely keep the groundhog and deer at your zoo. We still have the rabbit twins doing their bunnyhop dance in the backyard, so we don’t need more rabbits. Chipmunks are having summer camp here. Sorry, registration is closed on that one. The fox, however, is intriguing. I thought that was just what we needed to discourage the skunk we haven’t seen, but whiffed, as well as the squirrels and chipmunks, but if you still have them in your yard, the fox sounds rather lazy and not earning his keep.

    Jerry– Yes, I’m going to get him a squirt gun. Sounds much better than the one I saw last week that fires marshmallows. I can just imagine the tree rats picking up the spent ammunition and toasting them.

    If that doesn’t work, I’m going to invite Pam to pack her cats and come for a visit. I’ll even do the cooking, Pam. . . unless you insist.

    TTPT– boiling oil? Hadn’t thought of that. No, I do worry that they’ll be throwing down dog turds though. Miss Piggy has built up a storehouse of ammunition for them.

  6. Oh no, I am sorry for your tomatoes! My beautiful pepper plants last year were stolen by birds every single time I tried to plant one. Yes, I kept trying – I guess that makes me the fool, huh? 🙂

  7. Cardinals–a couple of years ago, ours suffered from some kind of mite that destroyed their head-feathers. Blue, bare heads and scrawny necks on red, fluffy cardinal bodies. I called them the Chernobyl Cardinals. The females were so crazed, they flung themselves at every window and mirror on the property, including the side-view mirrors on my cars. They made me a nervous wreck when I was showering: delicately rounding that soapy kneecap with the Venus Breeze, and…WHUMP!, another Chernobyl Cardinal body slams the rival she sees reflected in the bathroom window.

    Mary Lee, reading this post from the slight detachment conferred upon me by a few weeks on the West Coast, I can see why the rest of the country thinks of Southerners as tassels on the lunatic fringe.


  9. I wouldn’t put it past the darn squirrels! But I must admit I love your squirrels, because your stories just keep me laughing. I need a good laugh now and again, sorry its often at the expense of your tomatoes and your poor hubby’s head.

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