Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Grow Tomatoes Here

I know you’re tiring of reading about my gardening trials.  I’m tired of having gardening trials.  However, although competition isn’t my thing, I believe we have some garden winners among our tomatoes.

Oh, hell no… not the fruits themselves, but the damnsquirrels, which are so intent on seeing that we never get a ripe one that they have gone rogue and are truly off the wall in their recklessness.  I think they could go GOLD in the Squirrel Olympic trials of sneaky, despicable, thieving, ornery, audacious behavior.

How many destroyed tomatoes must I photograph in order to prove my point?

I’m curious.  Are green tomatoes considered an aphrodisiac among the squirrely?

These tree rats are, I’m convinced the villains who tore the roof off our birdhouse.  I put a brick up there, hoping that perhaps. . . Splat!

It hasn’t worked that way.  No, he’s not ready to jump.  I woke the little turd up from a NAP!

When I looked outside yesterday at the brick-roofed birdhouse, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Did you do that?” I asked Dearly Beloved.

“No.  I thought you did.”


Could there BE anything more “in your face”?  He probably did an end zone dance and yelled,  SMACKDOWN!

It has to be the work of Beelzebub, since Lucifer lives in the Magnolia tree.  Not that there are just two of the little bastards.  These are just the most brazen.  Ever seen a squirrel swagger?

This morning, all seemed quiet.  No tree rats on the birdhouse or at my tomato plants.

Ahhhhhhh.  That’s the way to start the week!

Then I looked up in the oak tree where Beelzebub keeps his harem.

Forget the Hav-a-Heart traps.  Anybody know a priest who does squirrel exorcisms?

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15 thoughts on “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Grow Tomatoes Here

  1. Omigod, that’s too funny, him leaving a piece of tomato on the brick! LOL I hate to tell you this but even though we have squirrels and chipmunks here, they have never done any damage to my veggie garden or flower gardens! It’s true, I’ve never had trouble with them at all, all they do is eat the bird seeds in the feeders. Yet Steve, who lives 3 hours south of here, can’t grow anything outside because the squirrels eat everything up. Strange but true:-) lol xoxo

  2. Birdie

    Wash your tomatoes down in that pepper stuff for the bird seed–of course it will take a couple of bites of different ones to convince them the taste is in all of them. Big cages with no room for squirrels to wiggle in or drop down from above?? Vicious attack cats?
    We have not seen a gray squirrel at our mountain place since we bought it in 1998. Yesterday two appeared in the serviceberry tree, which is just now ripe. They knock down more than they eat. so I swept the deck. Ten minutes later the little reddish “boomer” squirrels appeared and the deck was covered again! Our deal is–all the serviceberries they want but no birdseed.

  3. Do you need Patchouli and Smudge to come give you a hand with those! Our squirrels around here are quite well-behaved and keep their distance!

  4. Sorry, but I laughed so hard. Not at your dilemma, but in the way you wrote about it!

    The only way I know how to keep the little buggers at bay is to give them their own darn feeders with peanuts and dried corn cobs (with the kernels on them). They should prefer that over the bird seed and your tomatoes and leave them alone. This worked for my cousin and she has a lot of squirrels at her place. I was there a week ago and counted ten squirrels at one time running to get their goodies while the birds were left alone with their seeds.

    Good luck!

  5. I hate damnsquirrels just as much as you do and I don’t even have any tomatoes. If you do find a damnsquirrel exorcism priest, send me his name and number. I have a couple of possessed ones here.

  6. cw

    Consider this possibility – they are simply trying to give fodder for the blogger!! lololol….

    or, they are who they are: audacious, dastardly, ‘snefarious’ little buggers!! Either way – I love your pics and all your angst described here in – makes me LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!:):):):)

  7. Good laugh here at your expense. Have to agree with Shellbelle, if you can’t fight them, feed them.
    I love to watch the amazingly clever, athletic little fur balls so I feed them and so far, garden is safe.
    Birds are decimating my plum tree. They think one poke per plum is a good thing, thus damaging all the fruit. Good thing I am not wild about plums but if they go after my peaches….

  8. You are going to have to face up to it. You and the darling damnsquirrels have evolved into a symbiotic relationship. You admire each other, curse each other, need each other.

  9. When I saw that half-eaten tomato defiantly left on top of the birdhouse, I immediately had a flashback to the horse’s head left in the bed in the movie “The Godfather.”

    Make ’em an offer they can’t refuse.

  10. OMG!! It never occurred to me that the squirrels might want my tomatoes! But then again, I live in a very close-in suburb of Cleveland, and here the squirrels are SO TAME, they might (1) wait for optimal ripeness, (2) pick tomatoes along with basil out of the garden, and (3) knock on back door requesting olive oil, garlic, and french bread so they can make bruschetta.

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