Unless you said Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Chuck Norris, Oliver North, a handful of politicians, and 70,000 NRA members, you’ve guessed wrong.
The NRA Convention is coming to town.
Dearly Beloved and I will be staying ’round the house this weekend. Who wants to be on the road with all those Type A personalities packing heat? Most of them are men (not surprising) and will travel at least 200 miles to get here. Yes, my friends, your neighbor with the NRA sticker on his truck could be leaving town for a few days. Enjoy your weekend. While I’m stopping short of saying that all NRA members are nuts, I do wonder whether one doesn’t HAVE to be crazy to want to be shut up with 70,000 testosterone-loaded guys and their egos for a weekend.)
No comment about the sanity or the testosterone levels of the women who are attending. Maybe they want to participate in a large function which has no line at the ladies’ room.
Speaking of women, this convention is so big that Sarah Palin is appearing for free. The selflessness of that woman! Maybe she can pay for her trip by tossing a few copies of her new book in her suitcase to sell.
Our local paper quotes organizers as saying the convention should pump at least $20,000,000 into the local economy. Personally, I’d prefer a verb that doesn’t remind one of an M-16.
Interestingly, although they sure as hell want to tote their weapons everywhere else, including Starbucks, members can’t take their guns into their own convention. Never fear… there will be about 400 vendors with guns and other goodies ready for purchase. Buyers have to pick their guns up at a licensed dealer facility, but nooooo problem… one gun store owner is running a free shuttle service from the convention center to his store. Aren’t instant background checks divine?!
I’m still reeling from Lindsey Graham’s interview about people on the No-Fly List. While he thinks they should be not be granted Miranda Rights, he doesn’t see any inconsistency in saying they should not be denied their right to buy guns. “Head-in-the-butt logic,” that liberal scoundrel Keith Olbermann calls it. And speaking of confusing logic, wasn’t it a Virginia legislator who proposed a bill allowing people to buy their newborns a lifetime gun permit? Um. . . why?
If past rhetoric is any indication, Glen Beck will whine about people needing to take back your country, Sarah Palin will advise folks to reload, and Newt Gingrich, who worked to remove any trace of civility from Congress, will doubtless still be striking matches–to incite and agitate. Ollie North can explain how patriotic it was to secretly sell weapons to Iran, and Chuck Norris…? Gee, since he can’t fire a weapon, I reckon he’ll have to make do with shooting off his mouth. All to the music of the Charlie Daniels band!
If they get bored with shoot-’em-up talk, conventioneers will be able to walk over to the NASCAR Hall of Fame, which just opened this week. Is this Hog Heaven for the good ol’ boys, or what?
Once again, I turn to the frequently quoted Ms. Mona Lisa Vito, whose eloquent line in My Cousin Vinny sums up my feelings about this event:
“Oh my gawd, what a f—ing NIGHTMARE!”
Luckily, Ms. Vito also gave fashion advice on appropriate hunting attire. I hope this video link works, because the woman sure can turn a pretty phrase.