Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Unless you said Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Chuck Norris, Oliver North, a handful of politicians,  and 70,000  NRA members, you’ve guessed wrong.

The NRA Convention is coming to town.

Dearly Beloved and I will be staying ’round the house this weekend.  Who wants to be on the road with all those Type A personalities packing heat?  Most of them are men (not surprising) and will travel at least 200 miles to get here.  Yes, my friends, your neighbor with the NRA sticker on his truck could be leaving town for a few days.  Enjoy your weekend.   While I’m stopping short of saying that all NRA members are nuts,  I do wonder whether one doesn’t HAVE to be crazy to want to be shut up with  70,000 testosterone-loaded guys and their egos for a weekend.)

No comment about the sanity or the testosterone levels of the women who are attending.   Maybe they want to participate in a large function which has no line at the ladies’ room.

Speaking of women,  this convention is so big that Sarah Palin is appearing for free.  The selflessness of that woman!  Maybe she can pay for her trip by tossing a few copies of her new book in her suitcase to sell.

Our local paper quotes organizers as saying the convention should pump at least $20,000,000 into the local economy. Personally, I’d prefer a verb that doesn’t remind one of an M-16.

Interestingly, although they sure as hell want to tote their weapons everywhere else, including Starbucks,  members can’t take their guns into their own convention.  Never fear… there will be about 400 vendors with guns and other goodies ready for purchase.  Buyers have to pick their guns up at a licensed dealer facility,  but nooooo problem… one gun store owner is running a free shuttle service from the convention center to his store.  Aren’t instant background checks divine?!

I’m still reeling from Lindsey Graham’s interview about people on the No-Fly List.  While he thinks they should be not be granted Miranda Rights,  he doesn’t see any inconsistency in saying they should not be denied their right to buy guns.  “Head-in-the-butt logic,” that liberal scoundrel Keith Olbermann calls it.   And speaking of confusing logic, wasn’t it a Virginia legislator who proposed a bill allowing people to buy their newborns a lifetime gun permit?   Um. . . why?

If past rhetoric is any indication, Glen Beck will whine about people needing to take back your country, Sarah Palin will advise folks to reload, and Newt Gingrich, who worked to remove any trace of civility from Congress, will doubtless still be striking matches–to incite and agitate.  Ollie North can explain how patriotic it was to secretly sell weapons to Iran, and Chuck Norris…?  Gee, since he can’t fire a weapon, I reckon he’ll have to make do with shooting off his mouth.  All to the music of the Charlie Daniels band!

If they get bored with shoot-’em-up talk, conventioneers will be able to walk over to the NASCAR Hall of Fame, which just opened this week.  Is this Hog Heaven for the good ol’ boys, or what?

Once again, I turn to the frequently quoted Ms. Mona Lisa Vito, whose eloquent line in My Cousin Vinny sums up my feelings about this event:

“Oh my gawd,  what a  f—ing NIGHTMARE!”

Luckily, Ms. Vito also gave fashion advice on appropriate hunting attire.  I hope this video link works, because the woman sure can turn a pretty phrase.


9 thoughts on “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

  1. Perhaps we can take a hike in the national forests since the gun-toters will not be on the trails packing heat. Newt, Sarah, Glen and the NRA…how lucky can one city get?

  2. I’m so sorry. this reminds me of a Stitches East a few years ago. Downstairs were the knitters and the market and all that lovely yarny goodness. Upstairs was a gun show. It was a priceless moment.

    Do you think that shooters also knit?

  3. One of my very first experiences when I moved to the South was witnessing a gun show in our quaint little town. We went downtown for lunch and there were all these people walking around toting their rifles and guns out in the open. I actually ducked, thinking there was trouble. My husband laughed and said, “They’re just going to the Civic Center for the Gun Show.” Are you freakin’ kidding me? Out in the open like that, showing off their guns? Who knows if any of them are loaded or not. Freaky! I’m with you — stay inside!

  4. right to bear arms good.
    right to bring arms worrisome.
    i do however, have a new- found respect for a group of militia in my area who took it upon themselves to report other militia members who were acting whacko. What defines whacko? well, they could recognize it. that in itself, is very telling.
    meanwhile, hide out is a gooood idea. anything with Palin’s name on it, might be reason enough to avoid the area.

  5. Bless your heart. Mountain woman has a great idea. Wonderful day for a hike.
    “Maybe they want to participate in a large function which has no line at the ladies’ room.” cracked me up.
    I would probably have to attend with camera in hand just to get pictures (I almost said “shots”) of that strange species.
    Good luck.

  6. I wish I could calmly process this whole thing and see some sort of big picture in which I could sagely proclaim that ultimately this fits into a pattern which will….well, something sagely anyway. But I have difficulty being calm and benign and wise while people walk around me with weapons.

  7. I like the idea of a lifetime gun permit for a baby shower gift. Aren’t you tired of buying cute baby clothes? This could be a great business. Personalized/framed gun permit for your newborn baby. Pink or blue or camouflaged.

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