Scratch That!

When I was four years old, my mother,  my Aunt Mimi and I were taking a short trip and when we drove past a group of telephone linemen standing in a field,  Aunt Mimi said, “Look, there’s Mac.”

The men were looking at a broken pole more than a football field away.  There was no way I could pick out my uncle in the group.

Momma couldn’t either and said, “They’re so  far away, how in the world do you know which one is Mac?”

Aunt Mimi sighed and said it was easy.

“He’s always the one scratching his butt.”

That was my first awareness of  The Man Itch.  It’s not even close as to which sex scratches more often.  It’s the guys…hands down.

Let me clarify:  This isn’t a down-your-pants, seeking-the-treasure kind of dig, but sort of an absent-minded topside rub.   If it were done in privacy, it would be different, but it is the audacity of the action that is so surprising.  A man can look you in the eye and engage you in conversation, all the while backstroking  his rear end as if he thinks you’re unaware of what he’s doing.

One of my most regrettable missed photo ops was that of  Dearly Beloved and one of the sons-in-law getting up from the table to watch a replay on television.  The two of them stood side by side behind the sofa and in perfect sync, each put a hand to his backside for the Man Scratch.  (DB informs me that is NOT a scratch; it’s a caress. )

I don’t know at what age it begins or what sets it off.  It is rampant among baseball players, but I give them a little slack because of those  uniforms.   You probably don’t want to shake hands with a third base coach after a game if you’re a woman.  If you’re a man, I don’t suppose it matters.

It’s a phenomenon that leaves women scratching– their heads.


6 thoughts on “Scratch That!

  1. LOL! I think many men suffer from itchy hemorrhoids, plus they just don’t have the same degree of embarrassment that women do to restrain themselves.

    The “itch” that annoys me is the “nose pick while driving” itch. Why does a red light mean time for a man to go digging up the nostril for gold? The Seinfeld episode about this made me laugh! It’s a universal male trait.

    1. Pat, oh yes, I remember Jerry whining, “It was not a pick!” LOL!

      You’re right about red light mining. I don’t want to know where they put their treasures.

      The very worst though, are the guys who open their door and spit while they’re waiting at a light. GROSS! One of these days some jerk is going to hawk a lugie in front of me and I’m going to open my own door and throw up in response. Aren’t there ordinances against that? I may make a citizen’s arrest one day.

      U-Girl. . . laughed out loud? Music to my ears, Girlfriend. 🙂

  2. unabridgedgirl

    Okay, totally made me laugh out loud! SO. FUNNY. And completely true. Men and their butt scratches…

  3. You just reminded me of something that I now must blog about! Let’s just say that my father always did the man-itch while he talked on the phone…and little eyes were watching. The rest will have to remain a mystery for now, but thanks for jogging my memory!

    Why DO men scratch their butts so much?

  4. I’m meeting up with Steve this weekend and we’re going to Niagara Falls for a few days…so help me if he dares scratch his butt in front of me! ROFL!! I’ll never forget the time I was in the grocery store and as I was advancing the fruit section, there’s this guy scratching his butt and then taking that same hand and touching the tomatoes. Needless to say I did not buy tomatoes that day. I don’t care that his hand wasn’t INSIDE his pants, they were still on his butt!!!!! lol xoxo

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