Whine Opener

Our wine opener has disappeared.

Pfffft!  Gone.  No clue as to where it might be.

Dearly Beloved is in charge of  the corkscrew.  He is maddeningly methodical. There is no chance he wouldn’t have put it back in the correct drawer.  (It’s one of the few kitchen drawers with which he’s familiar.)

I’ve searched, but the opener remains missing in action.

Until he remembers to buy a new one, DB has been managing with one of those cheap plastic ones about which his spouse remains clueless as to proper handling.  I can’t even use a good one.   Wine opening was not a question on the Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow exam.

DB has been batching it at the beach this week.  I had to come back to Charlotte early, so of course the beach weather immediately changed from chilly winds and rain to warm and sunny.   Leaving my wine steward behind made me responsible for my own wine opening.

Good Egg Son visited Monday and opened a bottle with the cheapo wine opener.  It seemed so simple!  Tonight, alas, he was gone and so was the wine.  (Pure coincidence.)  I had to open a new bottle.

THE TASK:  Open wine with cheap plastic wine opener.

The tool.
Tool lost its head.
The battleground.
War wound.

Pour.  Strain.  Sip.  Remove cork from tongue.  Repeat last two steps until glass is empty.

CONCLUSION:   Screw it!   (Note to self:  Buy emergency wine supply with  twist-off caps.)

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16 thoughts on “Whine Opener

  1. Wine opener was lost? Opener? Only one? I can’t believe it, but I do love your persistence in getting the job done.

    Now, run to the store and buy several types of wine openers and some vacuum stoppers. If you can’t figure out how to use any of the openers, make DB open an appropriate number of bottles before he leaves. The vacuum stoppers will keep them fresh.

  2. During my waitress career, I used to cringe when a table ordered a bottle of wine. After I had it locked between my knees and started pulling on the top, someone from the table always volunteered to finish the job for me. Embarrassing!

  3. cw

    lolLOLLOLLLL… now please tell us it was the best wine you ever tasted!:)
    Did you think to call Good Egg Son to ask him where he put it after he opened that last bottle? Maybe he stuck it in that adorable cookie jar!!:):)
    And, pray tell, where is the vineyard that produces Red Truck wine??LOL.. Just love your play toys!!!:):)lolololol

    1. Son used the cheapo opener, a skill acquired during his college years as a country club waiter. Wine is from Sonoma, CA. You were guessing Mayberry, weren’t you?!

      Mtn. Woman–I do have the vacuum stoppers. Keeps fresh for how long? Red, too?

  4. That looks like the last time I tried to open a bottle of wine that had a cork! lol Now I always look for wine with a screw top, no corks allowed, unless someone is here with me that is more knowledgeable that I am on popping the cork!! The cork always scares me anyway, I swear it’s going to poke my eye out when it pops…oh, I guess I shouldn’t be bent over the bottle while I’m doing that???? hehe xoxo

  5. Such a funny desperation photo, Marylee!

    I must have a hundred wine openers. We had a hard time finding one we liked, yet never threw out the duds.

    We really don’t need them as most of the time my husband buys the gallon, screw top, cheapo, Gallo “Pisano” brand of wine, as it reminds him of his father’s home made wine. Nothing gourmet about it, but it does the trick..lol

  6. I could totally identify with this predicament!

    If it will make you feel better, I don’t ever remember how to make one of those ‘new fangled’ can openers work….you know, the kind that take the top of the can off and leave no jagged edge? When my husband is away, I have to call him up for instructions.

    In my defense, the kitchen in not my territory, but still – it’s pretty lame of me!

  7. Dear One, send this post to the manufacturer of your wine thingy and you might just get a free one! After all, something that invaluable needs to be in everybody’s drawer.

  8. Sorry, I have no idea how long the vacuum seals keep the wine fresh. We don’t seem to keep an open bottle around long enough for a test.

    We do know the seals will keep a red for several days at room temperature and a white for at least a week in the fridge. They would probably hold longer, but we haven’t had occasion to try. I’ve used cheaper wine in cooking when it has been sealed for as long as a month. The vacuum holds and the wine seems fine in cooking.

  9. Pingback: ALL CAPS « Merrilymarylee's Weblog

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