Want That Rose In Plush or Chocolate?

Recently I linked to a site to give the misters out there some ideas on what to give–and NOT give–for Valentine’s Day.

Dearly Beloved went out earlier in the week  in search of Valentine’s for the VIW’s (very important women) in his life.  That would be our daughters, daughter-in-law, his mother, and perhaps his loving wife–who (modest woman that she is!) doesn’t want to assume anything.   He had, he said, taken to heart the admonitions in the list about not going to Hallmark for a card.  He’d bought his from a rack at the bookstore.

“It wasn’t just HALLMARK,” I told him, “She was saying “write your own card.”

His memory kicked in with a SPLAT!  “I spent over 20 bucks  for those cards!” he protested.

It’s okay.  Besides, the site didn’t cover everything.  For instance, she didn’t cover this….

Last week I was listening to CNN in the car, so I didn’t actually SEE the images on the commercial they were running.  I’m grateful for that.   Just the words “6-ft. tall rose with I Love You teddy bear” were enough to send an image searing into my brain.  I called my Lover Boy immediately to remind him that he didn’t need to get me a Valentine’s Day gift,  just in case he was watching the news.

I’m not judging here, so if you think “BIG PLUSH LOVE FLOWER” says loving better than something from the oven, mosey on over to BIGPLUSH.COM

As the late Billy Mays used to say on the informercials, “AND THAT’S NOT ALL…

For the astounding price of $539.99, you can order an eight-foot teddy bear wearing a t-shirt that reads “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH!” And yes, that sucker can go overnight, if necessary.   I offer this message on the accompany card, handwritten of course:

Roses are red, my Ford pickup was, too

But I blew two truck payments on this present  for you.

You prefer bouquets?  How about the 4-ft. balloon bouquet?  The website lays it out there in two words:   Size matters.   To save time,  simply click on INSANELY BIG. Really.

For the risque, there is the BAD BOY teddy bear valentine.  How does one KNOW he’s a naughty bear?  Because the hat says so:  BAD BOY.  Or,  choose the Hot Stuff Red Devil and have your own message printed on its belly.  (No way am I putting those tags on my blog!)

Shop by Size, Price, Made in the USA, Animal, or Occasion (since size matters, they’ve thrown in an extra S to make it a bigger occassion).  Oh yes… there’s the Search by Military Branch option, too.  For instance, you could be sent a 3-ft. tall monkey gorilla with a “Someone in the Marines Loves You” t-shirt.  I hope it wouldn’t take too many guesses!

If you received a teddy bear last year and would like to return the sentiment, go with the 6-ft. Valentine dinosaur wearing the I Ate the Teddy Bear t-shirt.  He comes with three roses in his mouth.  Close to anyone on CSI-Miami?   Check out  the 4-ft. alligator holding a YOU ARE SPECIAL heart–in his mouth.  They’ll personalize and record a song for you.  There’s even a link for tattoos.  I didn’t go there.

I wouldn’t go with the STRANGE AND WEIRD link.

Save that one for an anniversary.  Dude!


8 thoughts on “Want That Rose In Plush or Chocolate?

  1. cw

    So do we think Boigah King still selling that men’s cologne that smells like a hamboigah?:) Surely your DB could use a dab of dat?:):)

    Another great one – and I soooooooooo agree!!!:)
    ‘True love’ has become just another marketing device for the greedy corporate bastahds! I’d love to sling an arrow in their royal rearahs!! 🙂
    However, did love the tshirt worn by the dinosaur;).

  2. I just told hubby tonight that we weren’t getting each other cards for Valentines Day. He sighed and said he would put the one he got with the pile of others that he has stashed. One of these days, he knows that I’ll actually get him a birthday, anniversary, or Valentines card and he’ll be ready!

  3. Loved the “roses are red” poem. That, while really funny, is sadly often true.
    VD (good grief, I just realized that the letters also stand for Venereal Disease) was a good idea till corporate America got behind it and it became obligatory.
    Much prefer a surprise “Love ya honey soooo much” in March when it is not required.

  4. Not only are the cards and gifts ridiculous, some of the decorating ideas are unbelievable. At the hair salon I picked up Martha Stewart’s magazine. In it she explained how to take a rose, some glue and glitter and outline the edges of the petals with the sparkles! Can you imagine? A perfect rose and you add glitter?

  5. Holiday hype at its worst!

    PS No photographs allowed in the TV studio and they mean it! We had to walk through a metal detector and they did a bag search. So I left my scarf around my neck instead 😉

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