Seriously! About This Movie!

Regal Theatre gave us 14 points yesterday for seeing the Coen Brothers’ latest movie, A Serious Man. I think we deserved more.

Dearly Beloved loves the Coen Brothers. The Big Lebowski? A cult hero to the guys in our family who dudespeak with ease.  DB, son, and sons-in-law know–and quote by heart–most of the lines and have given each other Lebowski t-shirts.  One has even gone to Big Lebowski conventions for several years.  (Yes, they’re real and yes,  “Uncle Dude” attends.)

I would rather pluck nose hairs than watch that movie again.

It isn’t that Coen movies are BAD, it’s that even the funny ones are painful to watch!   Just looking at the characters can depress me.   They’re too familiar to be funny– people I avoid because I know I’d become a babbling buffoon just trying to get a conversation going.  Mending socks would be more stimulating.

So many bad accents…so many stiff hairdos…so much plaid!  Just watch the movie trailer!

After the first 20 minutes or so of this one, I tried to send DB to the restaurant next door for a bottle of wine and a straw. Another 20 and I was crawling down the aisle, begging strangers to lend me a pocketknife so I could slit my wrists.

After DB pulled me out from under the seat where I was attempting paper cuts on myself with the popcorn bag, he whispered that he’d make it up to me.   In the meantime, he kept grinning at the movie.

I WISHED for someone’s cellphone to ring.

I pulled my sweater up over my eyes.  It was a v-neck.

Eventually, having to concentrate on keeping my eyes from crossing or rolling back in my head offered some distraction.

I watched the last half in a fetal position in the aisle, beating my head against the wall.

The story, in case you haven’t heard, loosely retells the story of Job, 50’s America style.  JOB, for goodness’ sakes! Think cursed Jewish physics teacher with sullen, bratty teenagers,  morose Uncle with sebaceous cyst, and unloving wife with cement hairdo.  Happy talk, huh?  The Coens did an outstanding job of sharing the pain with their audiences.

The women in the audience had a reaction similar to mine and totally different from the men’s.   At least I didn’t talk back to the screen like some of them did.   No!!!… Yes, she did!…Don’t do it!…Oh gawd, no… !

In Lebowski-speak, the dudettes were not abiding.  I could feel the vibes of at least 20 women wanting to cause bodily harm.   One woman was beating her husband with a hairbrush.   Several were bleeding from the eyes.

DB gave it a B.  He may have rated it even higher if he had not had to keep taking sharp objects away from me.  The NYTimes gave it a noteworthy review and said, “You don’t have to be Jewish to like this movie, but it will hurt more if you are.”

Really?  It hurt plenty.  Maybe I should give lox and bagels another try.


10 thoughts on “Seriously! About This Movie!

  1. cw

    LOLOLOLROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL … breathe….LLLLLL….. oh my goodness….breathe…. I wish you’d send this one to the coen bros!! LOLOLOL… AND… gotta ask – how could DB EVER MAKE THIS UP TO YOU!!??? LOLOLOLOL…..breatheeeeeeeeeeee…..LOLOLOL…..;)

  2. Penny

    oh this has made me laugh out loud !

    I bought The Big L on recommendation from a friend – male. I turned it off after five minutes .

    If I want to watch a Dude film it has to be Bill & Ted’s excellent adventure !

    I saw your comment over at Mutterings from the Moor. It’s awful that they receive nasty comments annonymously on the blog

  3. Birdie

    FUNNIEST ever! oh gosh, I was laughing and guffawing out loud and MY DB said well I can tell I have to read this. So totally nailed this–wonderful review, saves many women much time and expense. Wine through a straw????

  4. Hysterical! Just the image of you needing wine with a straw and the woman beating her hubby with a hairbrush had me tittering.

    I’m so with you, girl!!!!!

    Big Leibowski=slightly amusing. Very slightly.

    And it took me 3 watches before I saw anything remotely funny in Fargo. And yes, I watched it 3 times. Because my husband begged.

    What IS it with guys and Coen Brothers flicks?

  5. dancingwithfrogs

    That trailer was enough. I’d rather stay at home and do housework…. and I HATE doing housework.

  6. Paper cuts with the popcorn bag!!!!

    You should of excused yourself to the bathroom and snuck into a different movie!

    We were set to “double date” with some friends a few years ago to go see the movie Chocolat ( one of my all time favorites and one which I now own, thankyouverymuch). Well, needless to say, once we got to the ticket window the male halves decided that a violent movie with karate chops and explosions was what they wanted to see, so we split up, enjoyed our separate movies and reunited in the lobby before heading off to dinner. men.

  7. I am sorry but I am laughing at your pain… LOL. Wine with straw? I was thinking jack daniel with a straw if you had to sit through a movie you hate with all your physical strength. Barton Fink was such an experience for me. *shudder* We went to see Fantastic Mr. Fox and everyone hated it. I was loving it though halfway through remembered that Wes Anderson AND Noah Baumbach is not for everybody. So I started “sensing” the hate emitting from the body languages even inside the darkened auditorium, that’s when I remembered why I liked seeing movies that I really cared about by myself… I mean, before I had kids of course. I don’t see movies that often nowadays… (My MIL got really upset over the overuse of “cuss” throughout the movie… oh whatever) NOW we demand to know how Mr. makes up to you! 😉

  8. Very, very funny stuff and boy do I relate. Enjoying the Coen brothers is definitely a “guy” thing. Mulitplex theaters often run chick flicks next to the guy flicks. Separate and enjoy I say.

  9. Best reason I can think of for waiting for the DVD. I just love the Coen brothers and have loved all their movies, some more than others. They will all no doubt be the cult movies of 2050.

    Very funny post. I’m surprised DB will still take you to the movies with him.

  10. I was never a fan of the Coen brothers movies. I believe the maturity level of a pubescent teenager is a requirement to enjoy their offense to any of their fans that read my comment…lol…my son who is on his way towards getting his phd loves them!

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