Today Is SO Monday!

It’s one of those kind of days here today.  Last Monday, Dearly Beloved came into the den very early and said, “Monday mornings are tough.  Sure wish I could take the day off from work and go back to bed.”

Then he grinned and said, “Oh wait. . . I’m retired!  See you in an hour or so.” And proceeded to go back to bed.

I don’t know when he’s going to tire of that act.  It’s a recurring performance around here.

Today, however, he had to go to Charleston, so he was on the road a little after 6 a.m.  Miss Piggy and I took a walk earlier than usual, but she managed to do her doodie duty so that we were back home before the serious rain began.  Perhaps her speedy performance was helped by the old shrimp shells she unearthed and ate from the compost pile over the weekend.

She is such a little sneak; she’ll sit in front of us, staring intently, until one of us says, “Do you need to go out?” At that point she leaps and dances wildly as if she is being saved from imminent bladder collapse, yet when we let her out, she doesn’t pee at all, but races to the compost pile to see what’s cooking.

If I throw bread crumbs out for the birds, she will stay outside for hours until she finds every little bit of crust in the grass.  The dog is a pig.  Period.

She is also a chicken.  We believe some of her neuroses came from her years at the puppy mill.  If I hit the “extra steam” button on my iron, she runs.  The click of my camera shutter sends her into hiding.  Last night,  something–I don’t know what–sent her into DB’s closet.  Perhaps she heard the weather report.  When I looked in amid the shoes this morning and greeted her, she wiggled her nubby little tail a couple of times but didn’t even open her eyes.  In other words, she slept in.

The house painter who couldn’t come last Monday to paint our exterior trim because of rain won’t be coming this morning either.   This is the paint job that DB and I told ourselves we were going to do ourselves last fall… spring… summer… before finally hiring someone.   Be assured that the painter will get to it faster than we would.

What sent me off on Bitch Boulevard this morning was NBC.  Who chooses those dumbass segments on The Today Show, anyway?  Forget the kid performing with all the hoopla you’d have thought might have been reserved for the Second Coming of Elvis.  I didn’t know or watch him, but I’m sure pre-teen girls went nuts, so that was fine with me.  (Gee, where is American Bandstand when you need it?)

It wasn’t even that they interviewed that arrogant, blowhard gasbag,  Rush Limbaugh today.  I detest him, but he turned out to be helpful; reminded me that I’d rather pick up dog poop, so I turned it off and did exactly that.

No, what frosted me was that the Today Show paraded out the Duggar family again to let us know the sperm are still swimming.   Jim Bob and Michelle along with their thundering herd of 18 kids, including the newest baby and, of course, the perpetual “one in the hopper” were joined this time by their first grandchild.

The fact that Michelle Duggar is pregnant again is about as newsy as reporting that Limbaugh criticized the President.  She’s always pregnant.

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the attraction of having them on after every birth?   Is NBC trying to entertain us?  Well, we are not amused.  For gawd’s sake,  give ’em that trip to New Yawk City and tell me about the years they show a little restraint!   When you finally see a Pray for Menopause bumper sticker on the family vans, that might be news.  After all, what about Jim Bob’s carbon footprint?  (Well, it’s not exactly his foot now, is it?)

Even though I didn’t watch it, I found myself thinking of names for the segment.  I won’t share them.   Sometimes I amaze myself at the tacky places my mind can take me.

They’re probably a very nice family, but frankly. . . ?

Unless world peace depends on what goes on in that woman’s well-worn womb,  can’t we see puppies, instead?


10 thoughts on “Today Is SO Monday!

  1. Hi Mary Lee

    Thanks for the nice comment! I had some good chuckles reading your blog … you are a very talented writer!

    I can’t stand Rush or more Duggars either! Sometimes those Morning programs scrape the bottom of the

  2. You will NOT believe this. I just read your post and laughed out loud…and the sun started shining for the first time since we got to the Outer Banks. Thank you so much. Both for the laughter and the sunshine.

  3. Carol @ the Writers Porch

    I don’t watch much TV and No morning except the other day when my son called from GMA’s green room and told me to turn on the TV ! HA! Rush is a PIG for sure and I’d never heard of the Duggers till the other day when AOL had a story about the new grandchild! So I cruise the blog world and get to stay off Bitch street! 🙂

  4. No, you are not the only one tired of Duggers Drama. I may get blasted here but I think, in this day and age, if you are intent upon having more than a certain number of kids (and I’m not quite sure what that number is – it probably changes depending on how far apart you have them) you’re probably having more and more kids to fill some sort of twisted need that should be addressed by a psychiatrist rather than an obstetrician. Every child born into this world deserves a full and fair amount of care and attention from each parent. The Duggers children are doing more than their fair share of parenting, in my book. (Stepping down from my soapbox, now)

    I know you hear it all too often but I giggled aloud when I read your husband’s comment “Oh wait…I’m retired!” Too funny!

  5. texastrailerparktrash

    Have you ever looked closely at Michelle Duggar’s eyes? It’s like the lights are on, but nobody’s home.

    The Duggars remind me of that Monty Python song “Every Sperm Is Sacred.”

  6. Oh …hee hee and another tee hee ..haw haw…hee..
    you again crackith me up..I just tweeted this out to twitter…sharing with others..
    Yeah..husband is cute with the Oh yeah i am retired routine…
    and your pup is a piglet..
    and yes I agree with you about limbaugh… off the tv immediately.
    and the duggars..i happened upon that on tv today.i was thinking hummmmmmm…i wonder what the real story is…are the children happy?? really?? do they get enough attention? are the parents happy…really???
    someone must be a fly on the wall and get the scoop!

  7. I love how you can see humor is just about anything. I laughed all the way through this post, Mary Lee. The way you describe your poor dog is incredibly funny and really hit home with a few dogs I’ve had.

    I don’t watch NBC so I can’t comment. I only watch HGTV and local news in the morning. I’m lucky, aren’t I. But I do know that Rush is a gasbag.

  8. steffiw

    I don,t know if i should comment as i have 4 kids at my age…but the Duggars are even over here!!i do not know how that woman does it(well,i do-lol)i love my latest and last to the death but god am i feeling it at times!!though if i had 18 other kids to baby-mind and lets face it,virtually raise them for her i may still be giggly and “at it like a rabbit”,she should find herself something else to do that doesn’t involve her husband!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s