Another week in the checkout line, another Woman’s World magazine, and oh, those alluring headlines!
It struck me funny–I’m not sure why–to read, “The $10 trick that saves a fortune on gas” just under the larger headline about the Turbo Cereal Diet.
It must be international diet month. Last week they gave us the Australian Fat-Burning Diet and this week it’s the British Extreme Cereal Diet. Eat cereal for breakfast and lunch along with the recommendations for snacks and dinner and we’re dropping 14 pounds a week, they claim. Whoa, now that’s turbo!! Since the cereals we choose must have at least 5 grams of fiber, it’s pretty clear where and how we’ll be dropping those pounds. (Note to self: leave plenty of reading material in the bathroom–no library books. )
Speaking of cereal…once Dearly Beloved had a meeting in Florida at one of those private clubs that must have had its heyday during prohibition because it didn’t look like there had been much “hey!” since then. It had a Casablanca feel to it–tiles and ceiling fans and potted palms. They held a wedding while we were there (the bride and groom were in their 80’s) and the bellman shoved a dolly all over the building, collecting all those potted palms for decoration. A bar of soap was “the amenity” and on two occasions, complete strangers–both women with dripping hair– knocked on our door asking to borrow shampoo.
The waiter was older than the ceiling tiles, but the tiles had a better disposition. When I innocently asked what kind of cereal they had, he turned on his heels without a word, stomped back to the kitchen, and came back with a large cardboard box of assorted cereals which he plopped down unceremoniously in the chair next to me. He continued to do the same thing, unbidden, every morning we were there, for me to go cereal diving. I didn’t dare ask for eggs.
I like cereal, so I may try this diet someday… but not this week. Diets make me grumpy. The time I tried one of those liquid diets, my family was pleading with me to cease and desist by the end of the second day. We’ll be at the beach this week and I’ll be cooking for family. I don’t think I could juggle dieting and cooking very well:
“Here are your damned mashed potatoes and barbecued chicken. I’ll be here in the corner with my cauliflower and carrots. “
What did sound promising in those magazine headlines was an article about dressing to look ten pounds thinner. Just go with that, I told myself, until we return home to begin the cereal diet. So I bought the magazine. Now that I’ve looked at the pictures…? No thanks! Scarlett O’Hara wouldn’t cinch herself in some of that stuff…things like built-in briefs, sewn-in bike shorts, a control cami, or hidden undershirts.
I don’t think so.
I see a couple of problems. For one, it’s almost July. I have to psych myself up just to put on a bra, so even reading about something with “corset seaming” gives me a hot flash. The second problem is that the words “industrial strength” do not appear anywhere in the descriptions which, to my way of thinking, means it is not AARP-approved. There’s one little blurb about “power-mesh panty” but unless it’s steel-mesh, it’s not going to be able to do the required heavy lifting.
Seafood. . . salt air. . . I’ll simply try to tread water, diet-wise, this week.
Oomp boomp diddum dadda waadum. . . CHEW!!!!