The Four-Hour Warning

Note:  Dearly Beloved would like to disassociate himself entirely from this post, so I’m not  even going to mention his name.   

With the swine flu scare already out there, I hate to push another alarm button but Mother’s Day is upon us, so here’s a little shout-out warning,  Sister-friend:  Be careful what you wish for!

The  major television networks offer zilch that I care about watching  and  Monk and The Closer are  hiatus-ing, so I have relinquished any claim on the remote control until further notice.   That means ESPN and the Golf Channel drone incessantly around here.   With luck I can tune them out and read or knit unless someone (unmentioned, of course) is screaming, “OH NO!!”  or “Watch this shot!”  

It was during these outbursts that I began paying attention to who is sponsoring all this sports stuff.   If you’ve been thinking it’s Callaway who is wanting to sell your husband a Big Bertha, guess again. 

Believe me, I’m not meaning to “diss” erectile dysfunction.  Your mister got it?  Send him to a doctor.  But all those hours of  commercials…?  Holy crap!  They’re enough to screw with anyone’s mind. 

It’s bad enough that ED  medications sponsor anything with balls.  The commercials run with  that droning threat (they call it a warning) of the  four-hour erection…  do we really picture some guy boinking blissfully away for 3  hours and 59 minutes?  Most likely,  The Little Woman will have bonked HIM with a bat of her own well before that countdown, making the four-hour erection only a secondary issue for the attending ER team. 

(The whole warning thing…doesn’t it just give you the shivers?   It brings to mind that immortal quotation by “the lovely Ms. Mona Lisa Vito”  in My Cousin Vinny:  “Oh my God, what a  f*>@ing nightmare!”)

The  latest pharmaceutical entry on the market, unnamed here lest Google direct a pack of pickled peckers my way, purports  not only to raise Mr. Johnson to attention, but to give him added …um, stature.   Are they serious?    Who WORKS in these places?  Shouldn’t  finding a cure for cancer have been on the list before they began research on this?   Who insisted,  “No, no!  First  we need to take  a crack at enlarging our wee-wees into woo-woos!”  

 Just think of the old farts in rocking chairs who might now be wanting to hang  a Grand Re-opening  sign on their zippers.   Forget the doctor’s prescription; this one should require a permission slip from old momma.   

Many guys consider medication  “unmanly” so I suppose the drug companies needed something to break that taboo. What better than enhancing the very essence  of their manhood to get them kicking their heels and  jumping the fence! ?  Clever marketing, indeed.   And to reassure the old coots about  the missus’s reaction, the commercials always include a demurely smiling woman next to the man, stroking his arm. 

If  men don’t read maps and don’t ask for directions, can they be trusted to read the instructions for the package?  What if they subscribe to the old “if one is good, two is twice as good” theory..philosophy gone amok.  Things could get ugly.  Really ugly.

Now if this sounds like Better Living Through Chemistry and you are thinking, “Whoa! I gotta get me some of that,” then you go, Girl!  Father’s Day is coming up next and you could always crush one in his Grape Nuts to re-direct that fiber and give him a big surprise.   But if you’re hearing an  alarm bell here, Sister-friend,  look out.  If  he says he has something big for you this Mother’s Day,  ask him if it’s something he thinks you’ll both enjoy. 

If he says yes. . . and wouldn’t they all. . .

Pray for a flat-screen tv.

 

Thanks to Mary Ferraci  (Mary's View) for the horny frog.

Thanks to Mary Ferraci (Mary’s View)  for this horny toad.

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7 thoughts on “The Four-Hour Warning

  1. Cray

    PLEASE do us all a favor and send a letter to all drug companies pointing out their flaw in marketing:
    ” If men don’t read maps and don’t ask for directions, can they be trusted to read the instructions for the package? ”
    To which the obvious answer is NO.

  2. Linda

    What is it with the ads (Cialis) with a man and woman sitting naked in separate empty clawfooted bathtubs in the woods, or on the beach, or at the end of dock watching the sunset??? Is this some fool’s idea of sexy or fun or am I missing something? And why do you need a drug of enhancement to do this?

  3. Tammy

    First of all let me say if my husband ever has an erection that lasts 4 hours I will be going to the ER! Second I always wonder about “Enzyte Bob”. Have you seen him? Same type of medication for the same reason. He is always so happy and every women in the neighborhood loves him and he and his wife have a “large” grin on their faces. But again so do all of the other women…. So does the 4 hour erection mean “Bobs” keep everyone women in the neighborhood happy too???? So is this an option to going to the ER? Just use it till it’s gone and everyone is happy? Just wondering…..

  4. I’m about to die laughing. This has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever read on wee wees turning into woos woos – all from those inspiring commercials despite the shivering reported side effects in those commercials. I don’t enjoy watching TV anymore anyhow (no wonder!) but the little I do watch (national news) is chock full of “when the time is right” and “ask your doctor about Viagra.” If those poor consumers willing to risk those side effects REALLY knew that we didn’t want 3 1/2 hours anyhow and would possibly pick up the broom and file for divorce if we had to hear “but honey, I’m not finished yet” and that big pharmas were cashing in BIG on all those little wee wees and that (if they were sufferers of wee wees) we were NOT and that they could now retire and kick back and enjoy a big screen TV with us and not have to worry about erections lasting longer then 4 hours, they’d be set!!

    What a FUNNY post!

  5. Pingback: Bare for a Bear in the Woods? « Merrilymarylee's Weblog

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